About Harvey in Well now
- Sept. 2, 2017, 3:10 a.m.
- |
- Public
I haven’t mentioned Harvey even though I’ve been glued to the screen watching.
I don’t know what to say.
Absolutely terrible.
I feel so awful for everyone affected.
I am beyond empathy.
Beaumont especially,
my family’s refuge from the flood,
now in crisis
and there’s nothing I can do.
What little money I could send I sent through the Red Cross.
And it isn’t enough.
Even worse is the guilt,
knowing that it was just serendipity that
sent the storm to Texas
instead of Louisiana
and,
awful awful terrible horrible person thought,
being relieved that it was them and not us.
Hideous guilt that.
And then there’s the fear.
Irma’s out there -
A Category Two -
then Cat Three -
then Cat Two again…
Five days, maybe a week away -
Just biding, moving slowly,
Looking for potential to grow,
So that anything can happen,
So that it can take any path,
And hit anywhere,
from the east coast
to Texas
to here.
And now I’m not just renting
If a big storm hits,
If a middling storm hits,
I don’t stand to lose just all my belongings
but I could lose this albatross of a house
in which I have invested absolutely everything I have,
my one chance at staying independent and ever retiring with any self-respect.
And I don’t have flood insurance
Because it is insanely expensive
And I cannot afford it.
I’m not in a flood zone
so my mortgage doesn’t require it
And this area never flooded
(well, not beyond the several times yearly street flooding
because the pumps never seem quite up to the occasional torrential rains).
But Harvey dumped 50 inches of water -
50 inches!
Anywhere is a flood zone if the skies dump 50 inches!
Okay - stop.
I need to find some sand into which I can insert my head.
Reality is what is it.
Possibilities and probabilities are beyond my control.
Not melting down over all this is priority one at present.
And I am being incredibly selfish
and awful
whining at a time like this.
All those poor people
and I’m thinking about me,
me,
safe and dry here,
and I’m panicking.
This isn’t about me.
Only a morally bereft person would think this way.
This isn’t about me.
Last updated September 02, 2017
Marg ⋅ September 02, 2017
I think entirely normal feelings though - especially given you've already been through such an experience already so know what it's like.
Serin ⋅ September 05, 2017
Nope. A perfectly normal thought for most people, and an almost required thought for someone who has been through an event as you have.
Being human is mostly forgivable. Except around a couple of people who seem to need to make everybody else feel bad.