Nine More Days 4/23/2002
OK, I probably shouldn't be writing in here because I have so much work. Seeing my grades however, has demotivated me, so I'm just beginning not to care. I studied my ass for a chemistry test that I got a 40 on..the class average was a 57, so ny grade turns out ot be a C. This is my third C on a chemistry test. My two other grades were C+'s, but that still doesn't help much. My friend Angela apparently aced the test because on her away message she thanked God for granting her such a good day. There should be a difference between not trying and trying. My grades reflect a student who's not trying. I go to the TA for help, I attend review sessions. I think I understand the material and then I walk into the test and I don't know what happens. I thought my grade would be better than a 40.
My science GPA sucks because calculus and chemistry just killed it. So med school and osteopathy are out. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Science and art are the only things I'd want to major in. What else is there? English? No thanks. History? Interesting, but what could I do with that? Become a teacher? Hell's no. (No offense to future teachers). I loved my religion class, but again, what can I do with that?? This year has been a big gigantic waste of money and time. I haven't really accomplished anything except my confidence in my intelligence took a nosedive and my confidence in myself has gotten worse.
After I found out my grade I walked around campus crying. I tried to hide it with sunglasses and my sleeves, but I looked like a wreck. I kept passing sorority girls, and my class is right next to Phi Sigma Sigma's house. I just felt like such an ass. I may sound like such a martyr, but everything I try to do, I fail.
I'm going home in nine days, thankfully, but in a way I don't want to go home. I feel like such a disappointment, even though my parents are being really nice about everything. Plus I'll be with my sister all summer, and my brother and they make me feel bad about myself too. My sister's a real beauty, and she's smart, she just doesn't try. After four years of slacking off, she managed to pull a 3.1-3.2 overall GPA. She has a ton of friends, and got into her first shoice grad school. John is a gorgeous kid, and he's absolutely brilliant. My mom is pushing him for an Ivy. He's a slacker too, though. God, if only I had his brains...
Anyway, so my sister will say things like, "Artist, you and I are like Daria and Quinn. You're Daria and I'm Quinn." (For those of you who don't know, 'Daria' is a cartoon show about a shy, caustic, gawky, unpopular girl named Daria and her beautiful, popular sister named Quinn. Or when I went up to Binhamton to visit Becca and see Binghamton's campus (which was soooo ugly), my sister asked me "What is your weight, by the way?" (It was a random question during dinner). Normally, I wouldn't answer, but since its my sister, I figured what the hell. So I told her and she says, "Wow, really? I thought you weighted much more than that." The list goes on and on, but you get the idea. She doesn't do it to be malicious; she's like a fiver year-old, she says whatever pops into her mouth, After awhile though, she makes me cry sometimes. Honestly, if this is what my sister thinks about me, God only knows what everyone else does.
Back to studying...I really should blow it off, since I've been studying my ass off, having no free time (I barely even got to lay outside when it was warm out), and I fail...but I can't not do work, even if I know I'm going to fail. I just can't seem to make myself be a slacker. I think that trait skipped me, or something.
Phobia of the Day: Phronemophobia- Fear of thinking
Until later
Artist
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