Fighting 2/28/2002
I'm not really quite sure what the fight was about. Helen says, "Artist we have to talk. Last night, with Erin, it was like making me choose sides. I mean, I felt really uncomfortable when you asked me to lie to her." (Perfectly understandable argument, so I apologized. I had no intention of making her choose sides, and I told her so). She continues, "Yeah, but then when you got mad at Erin for hanging up on you, you kind of just brushed me off when I tried to talk to you about it. (Well, if your best friend had just hung up on you because you couldn't go clubbing with her because you were too busy, you wouldn't want to talk about it either. Besides, it was none of Helen's business. I mean, after all, she just said how she hated being forced to choose sides). So I just said, "I didn't mean to brush you off, I just didn't want to talk about it." Then she says, "But you made me feel uncomfortable in my own room. I mean, it's my room and I had to tiptoe around you." (Reasonable argument, and again, I apologized).
The thing is, that even after I apologized, she continued to repeat her complaints. Not only that, her complaints contradicted each other. First she says she doesn't like being put in the middle. Then she gets mad at me for not talking to her about my fight with Erin.
So after awhile, I start getting pissed and said, "Well, if I make you so uncomfortable, I won't be in your room any more." She just sighs and says, "You don;t understand." (You're damned right).
Then she says, "And after Erin hung up on you, you acted as if you were mad at me for not lying for you." That was totally not my intention and I told her so. I apologized once again, and she said, "If you're mad at me, just tell me. If you're mad at Erin, go talk to Erin." I kept saying, "I'm not mad at you!" And she said, "You are." (OK, fine, dammit, now I am. And the reason why I don't talk things out with people is because I'm afraid we're going to get into a monster fight and things blow up in my face...kind of like right now. So most times, yes, I do get mad at people, but don't say anything and let things slide. I'd rather keep things to myself than lose a friend, like I just did with Helen).
We went back to her place, I packed up the rest of my stuff and left. We haven't spoken since. What really pisses me off is that Angela stopped talking to me as well. The three of us sit together in chemistry, but now, Angela sits with Helen and I sit alone. Reminds me of the high school bullshit I used to hate...
I'm dropping calculus. I actually understand math, but the way its being explained sucks, and I'm afraid of another bad math grade pulling my GPA down. My GPA doesn't matter, because I'm transferring and only credits transfer. I just can't stand to get another poor GPA after all the hard work I've done. The rest of my grades are pretty good, and I'll just take calculus over the summer at community college or something. My mom thinks its a great idea.
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