No More 2/25/2002
This is a continuation of my last entry. Helen came into my room and we all were in Erin's room watching a movie. (Clockwork Orange was the most fucked up movie I've ever seen...a wasted three hours). Everyone else in the hall was going to some sort of party. I'm not sure where it was, but it was probably an invite-only party; most parties in SU are. Even the frat parties. Some kid, a visiting friend of an asshole who lives on my floor, kept coming into Erin's room with a Coors Light box on his bead. There were these two holes in the box, which he used to see out of. He kept talking in a "Macho Man Randy Savage" voice. For those of you who don't know, he was a wrestler back in the early 90's who used to talk really funny. Anyway...so that was entertaining.
We watched the horrible movie and then around 3 am I decided to go to Helen's. All of my shower stuff was there and most of my clothes, and I didn't want to have to walk to Lawrinson Hall (her dorm) unshowered and gross. The campus was totally empty, except for me and this weird-looking guy who was a few feet behind me. I honestly thought I was going to get mugged, or worse. He kept walking faster, like he was trying to catch up with me. Like a moron, I slowed down, hoping he would just pass me by. It turns out he just wanted to know if I had a lighter. But yeah, that was a stupid fucking move...especially in a city like Syracuse.
I got to Lawrinson relatively OK. Like an idiot I told Helen what had happened, and she scolded me. All I wanted to do was go to sleep...I understand she was being a concerned friend, but...anyway.
Helen and I are basically no longer friends. I'm not quite sure how it happened. Because Linda's such a piece of shit of a roommate(I'm sitting in the computer cluster instead of in my room because of her. I'm getting to that though) Helen usually lets me stay over in her room from Thursday night to Sunday afternoon. This week I came over on Wednesday night because I just couldn't take Flint Hall any more. Helen and I were sitting on our sides of the room (she has a split double, so we each get our own little space) and she leaned around the wall and said, "You're not coming over next week are you?" Well, when you ask it like that, I guess I'm not. I lied and said "No, but why do you ask?" She replied, "I have lots of work next week." That pissed me off that she lied to me. You mean to tell me that I've been sleeping over her room for several weeks and she's never had a lot of work to do? C'mon...just tell me the truth and say that she needed the room to herself for the week. I hate it when people lie.
That was the first part. Later on in the night I told Helen "If Erin calls, tell her I'm not here." I never, ever realized that comment would cause such a problem. Helen said, "Why don't you just tell her you don't want to go out tonight?" Because Erin's a soon to be lawyer, and she never takes no for an answer. She argues until she either gets her way or makes me so upset I have to play Snood for an hour just to calm down. So I just said, "Ok, I'll tell Erin." Erin calls a little while later and i get on the phone. She couldn't find any frat parties that were not invitation-only (of course) and she wanted to go clubbing.
Quick note on our campus club: I hate it. Every single time I go there, I have a problem. Erin goes off with a guy in a dark corner somewhere and I'm left alone on the dance floor with these huge, sweaty, groping guys. Sometimes I honestly believe that going to that club is more dangerous than walking around Syracuse's campus at 3 am. The worst it ever got was when one time I went, a huge, drunk boy latched himself onto my breasts and wouldn't let go. His other arm was wrapped around my torso and he just wasn't letting go, no matter how much I asked. He kept lurching back and forth, hitting other people. A girl actually came up to us and yelled at us for hitting her. I managed to get the hell away from him once he loosened his grip a little. I was bolting to the bathroom and spilled this huge black girl's drink. She and her friends yelled at me while I bolted to the bathroom. For eight bucks, its just not worth it.
I told Erin I really didn't want to go clubbing and that I always seem to have problems. (Note to pre-college people: never go to anywhere in pairs. Go in a medium-large group, so if some of your friends disappear with guys (or girls, who knows) you still have people to help you out if you get into trouble). Erin's answer: Well, I want to hang out with you. PLEASE...We go to the club, I don't see her for three hours, and then we go to our rooms and go to sleep. I didn't say anything, and she hung up on me.
I told Helen briefly about the phone conversation and went over to my side of the room. Helen told me not to worry about it. (Great advice...). Helen and I didn't really talk for most of the night. The next morning, probably my last morning in Lawrinson, I remember thinking how happy I was sleeping at lawrinson. It's like my little getaway. Helen didn't say good-morning or even look up when I went in and out of the room. She asked if I wanted to go to the dining hall with her. She asked how I was feeling about the whole Erin thing and I just said "I really don't want to talk about it." She says, "Well, I think you need to talk about it eventually." No, you don't understand; I don't want to talk about it with you. Then she says, "Artist, we have to talk." The last time I heard that phrase, my first and only boyfriend broke up with me. I knew I was going to have a problem, but I didn't realize how big of a problem it would become. And so began our fight.
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