College:The Really Bad Soap Opera 11/16/2001
The night started out normally enough. After a week of not going, Erin desperately wanted to go to the club. Since I HATE going out to clubs when its just the two of us I was kind of reluctant, but when Erin wants something, she gets it. So we ended up going, and one of the first things that happens is that Erin meets this really cool guy and I meet a drunkard/wannabe rapist. He was really tall and he kept leaning on me to the point where I thought I was going to fall down. He kept smacking into other people. He held me so tight I couldn't get away, and he kept trying to put his hands down my pants. Erin is of no help because she's off in her wonderland with her boy. Then, some bitchy girl pushes me and Lush Boy over and yells, "Dance over here, OK?" I was practically crying because this boy just wasn't letting me go and I desperately just wanted to go home. When I say home, I don't mean by dorm. I want Long Island. I want to hide in my room, in my bed, and just forget all about Erin, Justin, Helen, and the rest of this damn school.
He weakened his grip for a second and I just ran. Unfortunately, I ran into a huge black girl and made her spill her drink. She cursed and yelled at me, but I just kept on going.
In Syracuse, I've learned to hide my tears. Just concentrate on something else, anything else. I pretended to fix my hair and my make-up. Erin followed me in a few minutes later, sighed, and told me to calm down. Dude, he wasn't letting me go and I couldn't even call out for help. Just thinking about the way he grabbed my breasts and my crotch made me want to vomit. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. Instead of asking Erin to leave, which I really wanted to do, I followed her back out like the sheep that I am. Lush Boy tried to dance with me two or three more times, but I just kept moving to another section of the dance floor.
The guy that Erin was originally dancing with came back over to us. Then I was dancing with this pretty short guy. He was kind of a crappy dancer, but I was just so sick of being alone that I didn't care. We started kissing (horrible kisser...what is it with boys? Don't you know how to fucking kiss???) and we were done I looked up and Erin had left. I had no idea where this girl was, and once again she had left me alone with some strange guy. So me and this guy were dancing and kissing (well...I was kissing. I have no clue what he was trying to do. Eat me perhaps?) and then he asks me, "Want to go upstairs?" Which, in boy-talk, means he'll ask me my name, where I live, etc and then ask me to go back to his room, or mine and have sex. As soon as I shook my head no, he said, "I have to go and get a drink." Translation: Fuck you if you're not going to give me a piece of ass, so I'll make up some lame excuse to leave and make the attempt on another girl.
I went to go and find Erin who later told me that "I had looked like I was having fun so she left." Does anyone else see this as retarded??? Yes, let me go and leave my friend alone in a club for the second time, because she's kissing a guy. Um, yeah...
So we started dancing again and, of course, some beautiful boy starts dancing with Erin. So here I am dancing by myself, when this pretty cute blonde guy with exceptionally bad teeth starts dancing with me. He bought me a rum and coke, and then we went to hang out upstairs. He invited me to his frat party afterwards. I insisted that my friend Erin had to come along. So I introduced the guy, Anthony, to Erin. This is the basis for my next entry and is also the reason I've been crying all night. (Alone in my room, if that's not big enough of a hint. Plus I lost my goddamned ID card, which means I can't have breakfast tomorrow because that's how we pay for meals and I have to take MORE money out of my account to replace it.)
I have come to the conclusion that I am just unlikable and ugly. Well, people like me well enough, but they like Erin better. Or in Justin's case, they used to like me but now they can't be bothered because they met the beautiful, leggy, blonde Erin. I was better off without friends. When I transfer to either RIT, University of Rochester, or Binghamton, I refuse to make friends. Not that I make them so easily in the first place...My "friends" hurt me more than the hurt of being alone.
It's now 6:41 am. I have a class at 11:45 and I'm going to be dead for the rest of the day...
later
Artist
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