OD's Temper Tantrum 9/21/2001
Since OD is throwing a temper tantrum and not letting me on, I’m writing my entries on MS word and I’ll transfer them later.
I’m beginning to finally find my own group of friends. These aren’t people I’m particularly close with, but then again it’s only been a week that I’ve known them. Erin and Helen are cool people. The three of us, and Dionne, are going to a club tonight. Dionne in only seventeen, so she can’t get into even the 18+ clubs, but since its college night, all she needs is her college ID. I’m definitely planning on drinking a little bit. Dionne hates alcohol, Erin is driving, so maybe Helen will drink with me. I need to dance. The frat parties here suck. Everyone stands around with a cup of beer in their hand and talks to the friends that they came to the party with. That’s not a party. A party is jello shots, mixed drinks, and hundreds of hot sweaty people dancing to loud techno music. Yeah…we have to find some new frat parties.
I talked to Aaron again today. I didn’t see him yesterday at chem. Lecture because its 250 freakin people. That’s just ridiculous. How Batman handles Penn State is beyond me. He said hi as he walked into math class, but obviously we didn’t have too much time to socialize because, well, its math class. We talked a little bit after class. I told him I’m going to fail the calc test next week and he laughed. I don’t think he realized I was serious…
I sat next to a really hot blonde in calculus today. He kept asking me for help (yay!) and I knew the answers. He was sooo hot. Watch this, he either has a girlfriend or he’s gay. I highly doubt he’s gay, so I’m going with the girlfriend theory. Dammit all to hell. Well, at least I have my eye candy…
Yeah, I did laundry today. Yahoo. Tons of fun it was, I’m telling you. I did work while doing laundry so I should get some bonus points.
I have three tests next week: chemistry, religion, and calculus. I’m going to rock the religion test, do OK on the chemistry test, and close to if not fail the math test. I need to find a math tutor. The last time I went to my professor for extra help he ripped me apart. Obviously, math is not as easy for me as it is for you, you stupid bastard professor. Sorry. I’ll tone it down a notch.
I really trying to remain upbeat and handle my depression better. I know I can’t walk through college moping and crying, but its just that everything is so hard, especially since I’m so far from home. Plus the whole being alone 24-7 was killing me, but that’s getting better finally. The fact that I’m going home in a week is helping a lot, although I’d never admit it out loud.
I got in a fight with my parents two days ago. They were trying to make me feel better, and it just wasn’t working. My dad knew how hard its been here for me, but he’s just like, “Have Becca send you up some alcohol, you’ll feel better.” I know he was just joking, but if you know how upset I am, joking around isn’t the way to go. Becca’s solution to making me feel better is telling me about how wonderful her life is. When she had come to visit, I was crying to her that no boys liked me, and she changed the subject. Which is fine, but the subject she changed it to was how beautiful the diamond necklace was that Kyle had given her. Also not the best way to go. I was talking to John on the phone, the older one out of my two little brothers, and he said, “Just don’t worry about it.” Hm. Are we seeing why I was getting upset??? So I kind of said a quick good-bye and hung up. I called again today because my computer was acting up. After my dad finished helping me fix it, he apologized.
Even Linda isn’t pissing me of as much. Some of it is her fault and some of it isn’t. The fact that she makes friends so easily and that she already knew people up here doesn’t bother me. The fact that she constantly leaves me out of things and has these annoying little habits, such as turning on the t.v. at eight am pisses me off. I understand that she wants to have her group of friends, and that’s fine. However, if you know I’m really upset and lonely, invite me to come eat dinner with you or something. Seriously, its not like I’m asking for her liver. Her friends suck too. They walk into my room without knocking and ask, “Where’s Linda?” Um, fuck you, I was doing work and you interrupted me. Or they’ll say, “Hey what’s up?” and before I can answer, they’ll ask, “Where’s Linda?” Um, fuck you too. Or, my favorite is when they see me and Linda together and totally blow me off and start talking to Linda. Weird as it sounds, it doesn’t bother me any more. As long as I have Helen, Erica, Dionne, and Aaron, I’m OK with their bitchiness.
Until later
Artist
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