Update 9/15/2001
Last night I was hysterically crying over calculus. I'm so terriified of failing and I'm unsure of the material. Everyone says that professors are always complaining that students don't go their office hours. Well, I go to office hours and all I do is get made fun of. He made me feel like such an ass. He made me do everything on the board in front of another student he was helping. Every time I got stuck the professor would be like, "Why don't you know this? This is the easiest part!" Well, you stupid fuck, obviously it's not the easiest part for me...
I skipped Jewish services last night so I could stare blankly at the text book some more. Allison, from across the hall, came in to ask me if the stain on her cardigan was noticable. From there we just got totally off-topic onto the subject of sex. Don't ask me how...She had had a question about how to take birth control pills, and things just got really personal. She told me that she already hooked up with two guys up here. Thinking she was talking about making out/serious fooling around, I was like, "Oh that's not so bad." She kind of laughed and said, "No, I had sex with two guys since we've been here. I feel so guilty now." I gave her a blank stare and admitted, "I haven't hooked up with anyone yet." "Really? Wow," she says. Now I feel like an idiot that I said anything at all. We talked about guys and about parties for a little while. My mother called during the middle of the conversation. I told her I'd call her back later. I couldn't have a conversation with Allison in the room. If I did, I'd have to put on a front and tell my mother everything was fine and that I was having a fabulous time, which was a lie. Rule #1 in college: never ever let anyone outside of your family know that you're upset in college. You get a bad rep with other people on the floor.
Anyway, so I called my mom back. For those of you who have not heard me say it, my mom kicks some serious ass. I could tell her about anything. She worked her ass off to send me here and I call home crying, and she's totally OK with it. I told my mom about Allison. I felt so stupid for being a virgin. I mean, it's just embarrassing. All the other girls are having casual sex and seem ok with it. Not that I want casual sex, but it bothers me that I don't. Is there something wrong with me? I mean, I'm getting kind of old already. Freshmen boys barely even talk to me. Anyway, my mother just made me feel a thousand times better. She said that I was definitely more mature than these girls because having casual sex in the 21st century is just stupid with all of the STD's floating around. She just made me feel so much better and not quite as stupid.
Justin stopped by. I haven't seen the boy since last weekend. I was starting to think that maybe he was avoiding me. I asked him what he was doing, and he said he was drinking. I asked, "You're drinking alone?!" and he says, "No I have a couple of friends in my room. Wanna drink? So I said sure and he comes back with a screwdriver. Ok, Justin's screwdrivers kick ass. I'm requesting that he make me a few for my birthday. They're sooooooooo good. His trick is to put rasberry smirnoff in there instead of just regular vodka. It tastes more like a fruit drink then, but strong enough to still knock you on your ass. He's such a cutie :o)
Dionne came by later after the movie. We were hanging out with a girl who lives two doors down from me named Erica and her friend Helen. Erica's cool and so is Helen. She brought up a car with her, a BMW as a matter of fact, so she drove the four of us to Blockbuster so we could pick up the movie "Snatch." Terrible movie, but I was so happy to not be by myself that I didn't care. I offered to buy pizza since everyone else chipped in for the movie. I only had a 20 and there was no way in hell I was giving Erica that. I ended up missing 25 minutes of the movie because I was standing outside in the cold wsiting for a pizza that would never come. I have to call the bastards today and get my $$$ back. They automtically put in on my card....brb
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