Ack. 8/26/2001
College classes start tomorrow. Ack, that's all I have to say. I decided to take biology next year and keep my schedule the way it is. Taking two sciences, plus calculus, plus religion, and the freshman forum would just be too much. I heard chemistry was very difficult. My student peer advisor told me that she preferred orgo chem to introduction to chem. I already warned my parents that I may get a less than stellar GPA this semester. They've been really cool about it actually. They paid so much money for this school, and sacrificed so much, and yet they're still willing to listen to me complain.
Maybe I smell or something. That's my new theory. I meet people for a day, and then they disappear. Evelyn never showed for dinner. I wasn't asking to have sex with her, I just wanted to eat with someone nice and stop having to tag after Linda all the time. Evelyn has my phone and room number and she hasn't contacted me since to even explain why. Eric, Linda's quasi boyfriend is nice enough I guess. The three of us are supposed to see American Pie 2 this weekend, but at this point I just stopped being optimistic.
Two of the boys who stopped by last night stopped by today. They asked Linda, "How's you fake hypnotist friend?" Granted, they were trying to be funny, but refer to me by name please. It's not like they don't know it--it's posted up on my door. Even Linda noticed that they never really stepped into our room, even when we invited them in. She made a funny comment, "You know, you can come in. We don't bite or anything." They ended up leaving with two girls across the hall. I guess my fame faded.
I had a botched experiment with Hillel today. I decided that I wanted to join so I could possibly meet people other than from my floor. Linda went also, which is fine, but it seems I always seem to be stuck in her shadow. Her best friend stopped by and drove me and Linda to Hendricks Chapel. The best friend already knew a couple of people in Hillel which sucked for me. Linda got introduced as the best friend, while I was just introduced as "the roommate." I went to get some orange juice to calm my nerves and by the time I came back, Linda was already sitting with a circle of girls. There were no chairs left, so I had to stand over Linda's like a fool. I tried introducing myself, but because I was standing and they were sitting, they had to crane their necks to look at me when I talked. Linda left and gave me her seat. I sat and talked to a sophomore for ten minutes. She told my that calculus was impossibly hard.
The group of girls left after about ten minutes, which left me sitting alone in a circle of chairs. When I had been standing up before, no-one talked to me. When Linda was standing up after she gave up her seat, she had two guys approach her. When the group of girls left, she wasn't affected because she was already involved in another conversation. I felt bad for her, because I usually tagged after her. I felt bad for me because I am unable to make friends. And I felt bad for my parents because they were going into debt so I could be unhappy. I took the p*y way out and left after twenty minutes. My dad's right, I am a loner.
I walked around the city of Syracuse for awhile, just so I could get away from the school. I saw the hotel my parents and I stayed at when we first arrived here and I started crying. Classes didn't even start yet and I already want to go home.
Linda's been MIA (missing in action) all day. I did my laundry early this afternoon, just so I could occupy myself. She came with me, but left before me. Honestly, I don't blame her. But she's going to come back tonight and ask what I did and I'll have to lie.
This girl is hysterically laughing down a hallway with another girl. A group of girls are planning on ordering dinner together. They have no idea how lucky they are.
I really put out honest efforts to be outgoing and to start conversations, and almost every attempt has failed. Except for Evelyn, but she hasn't talked to me since, so I'm not counting that. In a way, I'm almost looking forward to my classes. I'll have something else to concentrate on and then I can blame school work for my lack of social life.
I found out yesterday that I can't go home until late October. They only give one day off for Rosh Hassanah and for Yom Kippur (Jewish holidays). These holidays are right in the middle of the week so I can't even go home for a weekend.
My birthday is coming up soon. It's also in the middle of the week, so I'll be up here for my b'day.
Until later
Artist
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