Is It Fate? 6/11/2001
I ganked (stole) this topic from one of my favorite diarists, Euphemism. She and I are polar opposites, which is why I like her diary so much. I tend to be friends with people like her. I tend to hang out with three types of people. I'm this quiet, intelligent, studious, really preppy kid who always seems to hang with the skaters (i.e. people who listen to Blink 182, Metallica, Pantera, wear lots of baggy clothing, tend to be slackers). Or I hang out with the gothic-types-- people who wear all black, tend to listen to Indi, body piercings, the whole works). The third type is the drama freaks- beautiful, narcissistic, extremely outgoing, melodramatic, etc. I'm their quiet sidekick; they make me laugh.
For whatever reason, I can't hang out with people like me. I can't stand being with other artists. At my summer program at Carnegie Mellon, I had maybe three art friends. Everyone else was in the drama program. Artists, for the most part, are just so full of bullshit. There was this one canvas in the Carnegie Museum that was totally blank. It had a radiator behind it, so that whenever someone stood near it, you would feel heat (obviously). The other artists would say, "The white canvas represents Heaven, and the warmth represents his love." I mean, you could show them a garbage can filled with dirty banana peels, and they would connect it to the soul of mankind or something. In the beginning, when asked my opinion, I would basically say that the artwork was crap. By the end of the program, I could b.s. with the best of them. I mean, is that what art teaches, for us to b.s.?
Anyway, so I tend to hang out with people who are art illiterate and I often wonder why. I mean, is it fate that I act this way, or is it just my environment? The only reason I had even started to seriously draw was because by eighth grade, I had lots of problems being teased and needed a release. I just would lock myself in my room more and more and just draw for hours. Eventually I wasn't teased as much, and I found my own little cirlce of friends, but I continued to draw. That's pretty sad if you think about it; if I wasn't teased, I might have never utilized my art talent and ended up like mother and granfather.
My grandfather painted wonderfully, but saved very few things. He destroyed his artwork after he painted it. Maybe he didn't anyone to see it, or didn't think it was good enough to show anyone else. My mother has a lot of talent too, but was never pushed to do anything with it. I feel like such a traitor by majoring solely in biology. Hopefully, Syracuse will play nice and let me double major and graduate on time. (I plan on staying up st SU for two or three summers so I can take classes).
Thinking back, the only reason I decided to be a biology major was because of my AP Biology tecaher this year (who's been really great for most of the year) nad because I was so turned off by art when I came back from Carnegie Mellon. What if I never had McCafferty as a biology tecaher? I hated Regents biology in ninth grade; this year, though, McCafferty made biology really easy to understand and interesting. What if I had never gone to CMU? Would I still have loved art as much? I wonder if we do have a predestined path that we are forced to follow. That's pretty sad knowing that I'm not truly making my own choices. Then again, I wouldn't feel as bad when something terrible happened because I can shrug and say, "Oh well. It was meant to happen." It's a very paradoxical thought. Wow, this was a long entry...
Phobia of the day: Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news
Until later
Artist
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