I Do This To Myself... in Fresh Start...

I’m just feeling miserable.

F came over Saturday night and Sunday morning was fantastic… Like we stayed in bed having sex and cuddling for like 3 hours. Got up, made breakfast, checked on my cat to discover he’d had another stroke. I really wanted to avoid another trip to the emergency vet so I gave him honey to bring up his blood sugar and waited a bit. In the meantime F and I did his precooking. I checked on my cat periodically and kept forcing honey but by about 3pm I gave up and took him in. They gave him dextrose and sent him home with me. It cost like $200 and I was there for a good 2 hours. My mom came and sat with me.

It took til late Monday night for him to eat on his own but he’s mostly back to himself now. He went to the regular vet on Monday and got bled out some. He’s going to hate me when I give him aspirin later, but necessary evil.

F has been texting me the past couple of days, but I haven’t heard from him all day today. It’s kinda killing me to not text him, but I need to make him text me.

I’m miserable. I love him. I miss him. And I know I can’t tell him because he’ll just run away. I don’t even know if he actually cares about me. It’s killing me, but not having him around hurts worse. Sometimes I wish I could just stop feeling.

I’ve felt miserable all day. I’ve had heartburn for like 2 days and just bloated and gassy feeling and I just want to sleep. My house is a wreck. I tried to take a nap this afternoon but one of my dogs just kept waking me up, so I woke up feeling worse. I really just want to lay here and cry, but nope, gotta finish feeding everyone.