Sweet Surrender 2/13/2001
"It doesn't mean much..It doesn't mean anything at all. The life I left behind me is cruel...And let me fall..."
For those of you who are entertaining ideas of suiting me up in a strait jacket, those were the beginning lines of Sarah McLaughlin's song "Sweet Surrender." I have a thing for Dido and McLaughlin; their songs always seem to convey how I feel. Yes, my loyal Internet audience, I am seriously into "chick" music. It's not that I don't like other types of music, but this kind of stuff is my favorite. Anyway...this entry isn't really about music preference, so let me get to my point.
I'm as scared as hell. (surprise surprise, Artist is stressed.) In my diary, I appear to be a manic depressive, or at least a person with an anxiety disorder. I'm really a pretty up-beat person most of the time. The OD is really the only place I can vent, because my friends and family don't know how to deal with unhappiness well. I'm a college senior, and next to being a bride-to-be or a mother-to-be, this is one of the scariest times of my life. My deepest fear isn't rape, or death even; it's rejection. It's a dorky fear, but it's mine. I am so inexpressibly terrified of not getting in. I know I already got into UMass, but it's not the school I want. Also, I don't want to be forced into going to that school because no others would accept me. I was reading some things about University of Maryland on-line, and everyone keeps telling me that it is extremely difficult for out-of-state kids to get in. (Look at Obsession with College Entry--Maryalnd was the School B that I was talking about). I'm already nervous because I know people who already got rejected from the school. I was stupid; Maryland has early action, and I applied regular decision because I didn't know they had it. So now, I have to wait till April 1 to find out what's what. Had I applied for early action, I would've known by now. I can't fix that, so I won't dwell on it. I have an 1170 on the SAT's, and Maryland's minimum is an 1140. Since I'm an "out-of-stater" that immediately puts me at a disadvantage. I didn't realize until recently that UMCP was so harsh with out-of-state people. UMCP and UMass are the only schools my family can afford without the help of financial aid/grants. The other five schools I applied to are private and they're $30,000. If I get rejected from Maryland, and my other schools don't give me money, I'm forced to go to UMass. University of Rochester is awesome, but I have an even smaller chance of getting into there. Again, I didn't realize how competitive the school was until after I applied. Brandeis is a definite reach school, I knew that from the beginning. I can't get in there unless I sleep with the admissions director. (And since I have a phobia of sex, that won't work...Haha Artist made a funny...)Syracuse is good, but it's a super-snobby school and science isn't exactly one of its strongest programs. I hate RIT. Boston University is cool, but it's the most expensive school I applied to; 35 grand per year. My LIFE isn't worth 35 grand, dude. I'm just so incredibly scared...I've worked so damn hard for the past four years, and I just want it to pay off...
Until my next ramble
Artist
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