New Journal...I don't think So... in Plan B

This here is my home now and I am very happy. It took a while to adjust but not too long and no I will not go back to the old house. There are reasons why we move on and if you look back you know why. We all followed the stream and this is where the lake is or river or ocean depending where your at. Me. This is a lake - Bigger than a pond but smaller than an ocean. If it weren’t for this journal do you know how lost I ( we) would be? It keeps afloat. I wish I could write more and maybe I will come winter when the nights are longer and the days are cooler but right now this is good a once a week do over of what it is like in the life of my head. Gawd knows it is a mess. I try to figure shit out but it is an on going process. Like forever.
Speakin of which....I have this mocking bird that comes when I eat lunch at work. I take the last lunch so no one is out there. Communication is null n void. Mocking birds are a bitch of a bird to begin with. They are the first ones to wake up in the morning. I know. I wake up at 4:30 just to make to work at 7. Then they are the first to bite our your eyes when they make nests right next to your front door just to do that. So now. This here lil bird who is such a bitch in nature is now sitting next to me on the seat next to me. Just sitting there and looking at me. Not just looking at me BUT LOOKING AT ME! I know it is Jerri. I know. She can’t come as a butterfly so she comes as a bird. Just to let me know she is there. And she is - to me. I miss her so. So. Much.
Speakin of Jerri her son just got robbed not last night but the night before. I found out on his girl friends fb page. One added that who ever did it knew the house and got exactly what they were looking for. Becareful who ever you let in da house. Rule #1. He is so new at this being parentless. An orphine at 18. WTF? After all the shit he has been thru he is such a shining example of what a man should be at 18. I am so proud of him. I should write him a letter and let him know that he is not alone.
The holidays are coming up and it sucks. More for him than it will for me. I lost a sister. He lost a Mom and a Dad. Fuck. We are one fucked up family and I hope one day that we will all come together. I can live on my own just fine but sometimes I need to know that it is important that people are there for me other than Sharon. I do get a call from my Cuz Bobbie and Thank Gawd for that but I miss my family - family. We aren’t IT anymore. Mom N Dad are gone. Grandma and Grandpa are gone. Jerri N Gene are gone. Big sigh. I just miss being included in things. And now I am not included in anything. At all. Not because of family or fault. It is just the way it is. How the cards fall and it sucks but it is what it is. I just don’t want it to last forever. Peace N and Peace Out.