venting that get me no where in Sometimes I feel dead inside

frustration, theres no hope for improvement in this place.everyday just seems worse, well worse in its a waste of my time. i can’t make any money, there no upward movement available. theres been a slow push by the management to get me out anyways. i make too much noise, i bring up valid points that get brushed aside until they are too big to not address. then they act like its the first time they are even finding out about anything. its insulting, its like i’m screaming fire but no one can hear me. i’m so fed up with getting the poor response. theres not a lot left aside from getting the right offer from a new place. i used to believe in the team at my job, i’d go above and beyond for them. and they’d do the same for me, now not so much. everyone is out for themselves, i’m not really interested in doing the work without the credit anymore. i’m not interested in trying to make everyone else’s life easier anymore. its frustrating when one gets pushed to this point. its hard when you’re constantly trying to be light hearted about everything, when all you want to do is scream and tear the place down by hand. i’m a team player that got abandoned by the team. i think the worst part is the fear. i’m afraid of losing a friend over this. i have to watch everything i say to the dude. so sensitive, everything sets him off. if you call him out on anything the dude will straight up get pissed and then pull this whole passive aggressive garbage where he won’t acknowledge your existence and straight up ignore you. its incredibly childish and its impossible to try and rectify things. but the fear of losing a friend sucks, i’m furious but theres nothing i can do. i have to work with this guy. he’s got me straight up looking for a new job. makes me wonder if he’s really a friend at all. i don’t know and its impossible to gauge anymore. combined with my general frustration with my job it makes things really difficult for me to even want to come in. i’ve been debating taking another job somewhere else possibly for less than i’m making now just to get out of the job. i am not going to quit right this second, and yes i feel this way but i won’t make some silly mistake like walking away with no backup plan. thats not smart at all. plus i have vacation coming up next week. hopefully things will calm down when i’m away. maybe not, but i don’t want it ruining my day i don’t want it ruining my life at all. i just want it to be over. if it requires a fist fight then fine, get it over with and move on.