Grateful in Plan B

Friday night and chillen like the villain I am. This week was ok. On thursday my day off I was asked by director if I would speak in front of the C.E.O.’s of my hospital about the job that I do. I was nervous as hell. But they were 2 women which made things easier I guess. The other person was from the camera dept. which was nice. He was tender hearted. They all took notes which I was impressed. They asked all kinds of good questions and I answered with all the right answers. Yea. Me. I made my boss look good and my C.N.O. so that means alot.
Been rainin and humid as hell. With the new a/c in the living room and a new one in the bed room my electric has gone down by $40 at least. Yea. I put up an old yoga mat on my back window that faces the back yard which is nothing - ghetto ya - but I don’t care. I have another window in the bedroom and I use that for sun. Speaking of bedrooms mine is one giant cluster fuck and for the life of me I do not know how it got that way. Really. It. Is. Not. Me. It just gradually crept up like a fog and now it has settled and man it is not good. Never ever in my life has this happened to me. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I just let stuff pile up on me and never have done anything with it. I need to get it done and I do understand it. The concept of getting it done it just doesn’t seem to excist in my world right now. I have never been this way and now look at me. Some where in this hot mess I do have an underlying depression and I know it but it isn’t life altering and I am taking B12 Complex but still there is a part of me that just isn’t quit right but there never was. Really.
I have so many ideas for art that I want to do but I feel stuck. Like a mouse on a glue pad that is so horrible. Tomorrow is the Indie Market down town and that is always fun. But this time it is indoors because the heat is so intense and I have never done the indoor market so I thought I would give it a try but then I look at the bed room and I think........aaah no. I do feel guilty and I do understand it is taking up and immense amount of NRG from me so we will see where myself stands tomorrow. At this point I can honestly say. I do not know. I don’t know if that is good or bad.
Just keepin on keepin on. PeaCe N PeAce OuT