Collateral Damages in 2017

If I allow too much time to pass between entries, I seem to lose my mojo. Catching up seems a lofty task…do I summarize the overall gist of things? Hit on the key notes? Pick up with this exact moment?

My coherency isnt there, so I continue to not-attempt.

Matt’s been working 9-5 (rather than 930-530) which is making a huge impact in the house. Now he is home by 630 at the latest which gives him some more down time before rushing into night time chaos. If its a night he has a meeting or appointment, it gives us enough time to at least eat dinner together before he’s out the door again. For now the kids have been staying up until he is back home (after 930p on Wednesdays), and that just wont work when school starts. For now…we can make it work.

Mom is closing the second week of radiation treatment. I talked to her last night and she says she feels exhausted and a little uncomfortable. Which, for her to admit to that....it must be even worse than that. Shes one tough cookie....I just pray that the side effects dont hit too hard. Strong people shouldnt need to test that strength to the brink, you know?

I feel like I’m combating a little bit of residual depression right now. I’m not exactly sure where its coming from, I just feel in a funk. In one sense I feel like I’m finally starting to wake up from the total haze that has been most of my 2017 thus far. I’m beginning to reconnect with family…friends…that I had been sheltered off from while working through my own inner chaos. But its different. I’ve been in another dimension for 6 months now. Outside of my being, the world continued.

Im in an online moms group thats very tight knit. We have been together since my first was just a growing babe. Theyre my yayas. But even THAT is different. I missed big life events while submerged in my own. As moms groups do…there are a few pregnancies since I’ve lost Ivy. I watch a baby slightly older than mine (would be) grow up in adorable photos. And jumping in and trying to pick up where I left off.....isnt as simple.

A lot can happen in six months.