This morning I woke up in pain, but i pushed it aside and worked out this morning. When my alarm goes off it says “You were too fat to do something, change this” and it’s a reminder of how I let myself go.
never again.
I was feeling good this morning in my clothes. I had to remind myself of my weight, and told myself not to get too comfortable because you can’t back slide. not this soon, not yet, and while I may be looking better, It’s not at all where I want/need to be.
Yesterday I was starving, and i’m sitting there watching TV, and my stomach is just grumbling. I decided to cut up an apple, add a little peanut butter, added a hint of honey and dunked my apple in it. it was delicious.
After I was done, i was like “how do people just not eat?” I understand that it’s a mental health issue, I get it. I’ve taken Mental health CPR and so i’m not trying to be rude or call anyone down. But…
how do you just not eat? at all? and i’m talking those first few days.. where you’re stomach is hurting, and growling and you just want to mow down.. how? how do they push past it?
I had finished eating dinner, and an hour in a half later was “starving” and I couldn’t do it.. I just choose to eat healthy. (which is awesome for me, because before I would of mowed down on popcorn, possibly melted cheese on it.. or crushed up chips…)
I’m getting used to getting up and working out. This morning while I was in pain, my alarm went off and i’m like ok time to get on that treadmill i’ll be up and happy in about 5 mins.. and It was. I can’t believe I just hit snooze all those times before.
I should add this isn’t the first time i’ve done this wake up at 6:30am thing. I had a wedding last year and I did this for about 3 months, and I LOVED IT! I loved how I felt when I worked out in the morning.. I can’t remember why I stopped. I guess I just got lazy.. but now i’m doing it again and i love it.
yesterday we had burgers for supper (home made) and I just took pieces of lettuce and used that as my bun. it was delicious. My Dad was like “so you’re just going full blown atkins?”
I told him I wasn’t, but i’m cutting back, and when and If I go to a restaurant i will eat the bun, or maybe the odd time at home if i’m really missing it, but for the most part not a lot of bread.
Today i had two hard boiled eggs for breakfast.. a GIANT salad for lunch with peppers and for dinner well i’m going to Bruno Mars tonight, and i’m supposed to be going out for dinner. so who knows what i’ll have. I don’t want to go totally stray from my progress, but I HATE paying for a meal that i’m not enjoying.
i’m sure i’ll make a good choice.
i can’t believe how far I let myself go… I can’t believe where i’m at.
but life is going to get better.
I am really excited for Bruno Mars. I have no idea what i’m going to wear but I promised myself i’m going to try to forget about being “too fat” and i’m going to wear something i’m comfortable in and something I felt good in a week ago. While i’m trying to remind myself i’m still over weight and i need to get healthy, I can’t totally let go of all my confidence.
Confidence is sexy no matter your size.
I’m going out, I still need to keep my confidence I don’t want to get depressed about being “too fat for something”.
This is a struggle, this is life, and it’s not easy. I can overcome this.
If I can raise Irish Twins without their birth father, I can do anything. I can do this!
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