Just fuck... in Fresh Start...

I’m laying in bed currently. I should be sleeping.

Everything is just over…

F was originally supposed to come over last night but he cancelled on me. Basically he had decided to delete his fb in an attempt to cut himself off from chick and wanted to be alone. I kinda figured that meant our plans for today were off, but I asked anyways. Yup, he was staying home. As he put it, he’s going to be selfish and take some time to focus on himself. So that pretty much means no more us. And it’s not like I don’t think he needs to let go and be in the right headspace before pursuing anything else, but it still hurts.

Then I did something stupid bc I was lonely and didn’t want to stay home by myself all day… V had been texting me asking me to lunch and I agreed. Of course he was just chomping at the bit the moment I agreed. He was trying to kiss me and touch me etc. And it’s not like me and F have really been anything for weeks, but it was still just weird. He took me to Outback. Then we took K food at work. Then we went to petsmart, then back to my house. We watched the ranch for a bit and I got animals fed. He was trying to help me. He eventually tried to kiss on me again and after another I don’t want to lead you on conversation I let him. It was not even mediocre. And all of it made me miss F that much more. And I’m laying here flipping through channels and freaking Boondock Saints is on… first movie me and F ever watched together. In fact, his dvd is still in my living room. So I miss him more if possible.

Fuck this hurts. I just want him.