Just a quick note because I need to get it out - I have a vet appointment for my cat at 4:00 today because she is...unwell.
She's been pawing at her ear and shaking her head like there's something in her ear for the past few days, and this morning when we got up, she couldn't keep her balance and kept tipping over sideways and falling over. It was pathetic and actually kind of heart-wrenching to watch.
Internet research indicates some sort of ear infection, which itself isn't a big deal. Ear infections can have various underlying causes, though, from the totally benign to the really bad (i.e. brain tumor). Obviously I'm hoping it's something minor, but she is somewhere between 17 and 19 years old and...it has to happen eventually.
I am not scared to let her go, per se - she has had a good life, and it will have to happen sooner or later - but I am scared of what the implications of whatever is wrong with her will be. If she does have something like a brain tumor...does that mean that I am going to have to watch her deteriorate and suffer, and decide when to pull the trigger and just have her put down? It probably does. That sounds like hell to me.
Apart from her balance, she seems basically fine - alert, affectionate, etc. I hope they can just get her ear thing cleared up so she can go back to being happy and comfortable.
At work but can't concentrate on shit. I have a meeting in about an hour with my boss's boss's boss, about the possibility of taking on some work higher up and gradually transitioning into another position within the organization...which is good news but I'm a bit worried that I'm going to botch it up (the meeting) badly because I'm so sad and on edge about this.
My heart is so heavy right now. :(
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