Ahhhh Such as Life in Plan B

Trying to make it thru the night unscathed and it didn’t happen. There was a young woman who just passed a way. FUCK! Then we have Ecstasy Guy back. WTF? One week later. She was such a young woman. My heart goes out to the family of course. It just hurts.
Tomorrow is the one month of me going up to Ohio. Sometimes it feels like a year sometimes like yesturday. Jerri still sends Sharon stuff on her facebook. But it never lasts. Only for her to see. My heart is heavy.
Tomorrow is the PAVA show in downtown. It’s free and at a beautiful place. Old school building. Wood floors, artists out the ass ( I hope ) and lots of positive NRG. Going to dress up and go and see what is there. If it is better than what we had in town in Jan. or so than I will go get Jan and see it again. She loves art too. I need inspired. I know I can create I just need the NRG to. I have it inside of me and all sorts of ideas swimming in my big ol head but I need to be shoved. Gently. I use to love to write when I was a kid. Never a problem. Reports. Book reports. Math is a whole other story.
I just feel heavy. My heat feels like 100 pounds. Or more. We all have been thru alot of shit by the time you reach my age. If you haven’t than you haven’t lived. I have received wisdom in my age thank gawd. But does it get easier. No. Not really. Not so much hard like trying to figure things out tho I still do that it is just things now are so important. My going out days are gone not gone but more choosy. Like me. Relationship wise. More choosy too. ( Back to Autumn - Tall Heights ) I only choose to be happy. If something takes too much work to be happy then it’s not for me because I by myself can make me happy. I have found that out living by myself and on my own. Is it scary? You betcha. But I wouldn’t give it up for anything. At. all. Can’t afford it. Emotionally.