Bed... in Fresh Start...

My house is at deacon 2, maybe 1.5. All I want to do is lay in bed by myself and sleep or cry. I have zero motivation to fix it. I would like to stay here all weekend.

I don’t even know if F is coming over. Supposedly he is, but I barely spoke to him at work today and just fucking left. Didn’t even try to find him to say bye. And part of me really just wants to tell him not to fucking bother. The maybe 5 minutes I did talk to him today, I caught him scrolling through chick’s fb and said “obsessed much?” And he said he was just checking and I said “no, that’s called fb stalking.”

I really can’t keep doing this to myself. I feel so worthless. And fat. And ugly. And pathetic. Really pathetic. I keep trying to tell myself that I shouldn’t make him a priority when I’m only an option. I even posted it to fb. The sad part… I don’t even feel like I’m an option, much less a priority. I feel like an afterthought. An annoyance.

It’s friday night and I’m at home in bed crying. I am pathetic.