As Green As the Sky in 2017

My roommate got laid off from her job a couple weekends ago. She’s moving back to Medford whenever we are done with our lease. It makes complete sense for her. She can get her old job at the theater there back, perform in real plays that aren’t held in an elementary school’s cafeteria, and live rent-free with her parents for a while.

I don’t know what I am doing. I want to stay here. I don’t know many people here and the ones I do aren’t being helpful at all. I’ve been looking at studios and one bedroom apartments, and the only reasonably-priced places are 45 minutes north of Portland. People looking for roommates on Craigslist are 1) strangers and 2) insane. So many requirements. One person renting out a room required the tenant to only eat vegan meals there. What?

I was in Medford a few days ago. When I mentioned I might have to move back, I didn’t get the expected response. Generally every time I’m down there I’m greeted with half-joking “when are you moving back?” sentiments. Now that it’s a possibility, my friends were genuinely thoughtful. Pretty much everyone said to do it if it’s best for me. I mentioned possibly renting out a room from the friend I stay with when I visit, and he seemed reluctant. I eventually gathered that he didn’t want me to get trapped there. It happens too easily. Still, it may come to that if I can’t find anything here.

I’m in limbo for now. Dropped the classes I had planned for next term, as who knows if I’ll be in Portland to attend them. Trying to work a bunch, though my car only wants to run working AC sometimes, so I kinda have to stick to night driving since it’s been pretty hot out.

My car definitely will need some stuff fixed soon, probably brakes. My contacts were a couple months past the use date, and then one ripped, I just have my frail and old glasses for now. I’m also pretty sure I have a wisdom tooth coming in, since there’s pain in the lower left side of my mouth and I swear I can feel something sharp along the gum. Maybe not, it hasn’t hurt as much the last couple days. Anyway, I and my car are in need of fixing up or replacing when applicable. That would be a lot easier to do down there probably. I could get a regular job with benefits and get insurance.

I honestly don’t know what will happen. In retrospect, this year has been really shitty so far. I’ve been sick a ton, I wasted two months and a tax return being sick, my roommate is leaving, I’ve had a lot of anxiety and depression, dating life has been non-existent, etc. Perhaps the second half will be better, wherever it takes place.