I Was Right... in Fresh Start...

So apparently my gut feeling was right. He’s still too hung up on other girl to actually be interested in me.

We talked about it and I guess for now we’re still going to hang out etc but with no commitment. M thinks that I will end up feeling used, which is highly possible. But I like him too much to just stop seeing him. We had this talk yesterday and he ended up coming over after work and staying the night anyways. I wanted him there. Quite honestly, I’m dreading going to sleep tonight without him in bed next to me. But I don’t want to ask him over and seem pathetic especially since I was the one who said if we weren’t anything serious then he probably shouldn’t be at my house every night. But I really want him there.

I’m just really heartbroken honestly. Like I know getting over someone sucks… been there done that, but at the same time, I guess I just thought that he’d like me and put her out of his mind. Guess not. But then of course I start wondering what exactly is wrong with me. And even M said it wasn’t me, but I can only have so many relationship issues before I’m part of the problem. Like its ridiculous that he’s hung up on some fucking 19 year old who has a 2 year old who lies to and cheated on him constantly and I don’t think they were ever even really together and he hasn’t seen her since December and he’s constantly checking his phone to see if she messaged him. While here I am sleeping with him, showering with him, kissing him, making him breakfast, dinner, whatever, and he’s hung up on that....

It’s just my luck and I hate relationships and I should probably just be alone.

Then, on the flip side of everything, ever since I told V that I was seeing someone else, he has completely lost his goddamned mind. I thought he took it ok at first, then he asked to talk to me on Monday so I agreed to meet him and talk and he basically said that he was stupid and didn’t see what was right in front of him and that he wants to be that guy and he’s not giving up etc etc. He even threw something in there about us maybe getting married one day. Craziness. Then he called me yesterday and was talking about wanting to take me to a horse show and horseback riding and how we should go to Gatlinburg one weekend etc. Then he tells me that when he initially added and messaged me on fb that he told me I popped up as someone he might know, but in actuality he had been fb stalking me for like 5 months before he worked up the nerve to talk to me. And that he used to see me cross the street to go eat lunch with my dad and that he would purposely try to be over there at that time to see me… that was 4 years ago people. He’s just gotten a bit obsessed with me. And sadly I’m just not really interested.

I think I’m going to go home fairly early from work today and just nap and cry. There’s not much else I can do about it right now. I mean, I’m doing good not to cry at work. I did cry at work yesterday… talked to M for a while and he listened to me cry and said it made little sense to him and said F was stupid.

Last updated June 22, 2017