Four inches of raging fury in Normal entries

Not sure why but a line I heard in something has been bugging the shit out of me. Oh, I guess I could come at it sideways; a few days ago I was at this place called, I think, Sephora, messing with makeup. The GF has this real thing about cosmetics. She doesn’t read this crap, even if she did, I’m not about to say anything I haven’t said to her; she is a beautiful woman with beautiful skin tone and elegant poise and posture. Make up actually detracts. Um, she’s also not great at application, but again, even Michelangelo must have stood in front of a slab of marble and thought “There is nothing I can do to this that will make it more perfect. I will mar and desecrate god’s creation to worship god. I will destroy the natural beauty for my own ego so other men will say ‘my isn’t he divine, aren’t I sophisticated for recognizing his talent?”

The trim around the edge of where the ceiling meets the wall are models with extreme makeup. The comically stereotype gay man helping her (reverse mullet and a bun and a lisp that’d be over the top for Jerry Lewis) was trying to engage me, in a sales way — part of why this is relevant to the line on TV ---- so I asked. “I get the whole Benning ton commercial thing, and I’m sure Inuit beauties and Nubian princesses always hang out, probably have pillow fights, but, why does it look like a wide angle opening of Orange is the New Black?” He’s all like “I know, right?” It’s 2017 and the entertainment industry, with all its left wing satanic agenda, and the advertising industry, well known idle hands of fascism, still lean towards Whites Only and Black Only Big Macs. Modern sensitivity to racism has gotten all tangled up in either misguided PC-isms or unrepentant right to intolerance. Same side of the same coin if you ask me.

So, the line the bothered me was from some b-movie (maybe TV show) crime thriller. To threaten the suspect the ADA said “How would you like a twelve-inch black dick in your ass?” First off, the ADA was a black woman. Her character added surprisingly little to a crime drama and it’s possible the character was just for that line because every knows sodomy isn’t homophobic if it comes from a black woman. Everybody knows, too, that prison is full of well hung men dying to fuck everybody all the time. I wonder how many real cops and real DA’s use sodomy as a lever? On TV, it’s almost mandatory. Boy, you try to protect the community and the abhorrent and you just wind up with a fun house for porn cock sized sodomite’s sans discretion or taste.

Dick, she said dick. Dick is like pussy, it’s direct, explicit, but playful. It’s not jarring and blunt and vulgar like cock or cunt. To the American ear there is no word more jarring than cunt. You can disagree, but, heh, you should probably do your own poll, you know, stand outside a grocery store with a clipboard “Excuse me sir, I don’t have a British accent and I might call you a cunt. Thoughts? Feelings? And this lovely lady is your … wife? Granddaughter? Granddaughter, oh my! What if I called her a cunt?” Then when you get back up, nose bleeding, ask if he’d be as offended by pussy.

Um, so there’s that, sodomy sounds playful with a dick. Then there’s the ridiculous size. Maybe she knew the hypothetical sodomite. I mean the stats are not good for a twelve-inch black dick in a random population, let alone among rump rustling criminals to thick to stay out of the joint. Even so, my answer would be ‘no, I would not like that’ knowing it’s rhetorical, but unable to imply that I’d prefer not having a dick of any size or color without saying something, I suppose ‘I don’t want a dick of any size or color.’ How would you like … isn’t the strongest beginning to a threat anyhow. That might not even be true of some people. When you water down the threat (e.g. have it come from the most PC but least intimidating character, use pet names for the gentalia, make it an open question of personal preference …) it serves no other purpose than to get the obligatory prison rape deterrent line in.

If you’re really trying to use a line that and be funny about it, say a four-inch yellow cock. Trust me, it’s funnier, not any less racist or homophobic, but funnier, and, seeing how the audience is expecting it anyhow, it’ll throw them for a bit of a loop.