6/6 in --

I start my internship later this afternoon. I didn’t think I still had one! Apparently I didn’t blow my chances with it, even if I was late to our meeting a few months ago. I’m going to be working six to eight hours a week for the assistant dean of the School of Education. She needs my help with setting up graduate recruitment, since the School of Ed. currently doesn’t have one. It’s a great opportunity, even if I never wanted to get into recruiting (it sounds kind of cut-throat, especially in the medical school). I don’t get paid for this (my university is hurting for money after huge budget cuts this past year), but if/when they ever need to hire someone for graduate recruiting, I’ll already have had experience. And the person I’m working for is tailoring my internship so that it’s more research-based. For not getting paid, I think it’ll be a good experience for me.

I was looking forward to having the summer off, but I also know that not having anything to do drives me bonkers. I do have two summer classes that I’m taking, but I like getting out and doing things too.

I have been so dying to go swimming, oh my goodness. The neighbors across from my backyard have a pool and I’m always longingly staring at it. I sure hope they don’t know that I do this.
I was thinking about getting a YMCA family membership for James for father’s day. It’s $80 a month, so maybe I’d only do a few months, but I know he’s been wanting one. And we can all use it! And there’s a pool!
We usually try to get each other practical gifts. Normally it’s socks. So far it’s been socks for every holiday. Man, I love this guy.

Speaking of James! Our anniversary is coming up on the 12th. My period is due on the 12th.... and if you’ve been reading me, you know that I’m trying to conceive. So I’d be pretty upset if I got my period so hopefully I don’t. I’m going to try waiting to test until I do/do not get my period on that day. Last month when I tested I kept testing and it drove me nuts, but I hadn’t even missed my period (which showed up right on schedule). I do have to say that my chart looks fabulous this month! Last month it didn’t, so at least there’s one good thing if I don’t end up pregnant.

I also have to say that I try not to be, but I’m totally superstitious.
We went to a cemetery in James’s family’s city last weekend and I saw my birthday THREE TIMES on separate grave stones. Gave me the heebie-jeebies. I know it’s just my brain looking for familiar patterns, but still.
I have also been noticing the name “Marion” a lot. That’s the name James and I have picked out for a girl. Yep thanks, brain!

I’m also trying to lay off the subreddit r/unresolvedmysteries and watching things with murder/violence in them (a new Twin Peaks episode came out on Sunday). I have been having a really difficult time with anxiety and paranoia, and as a result, I can’t sleep well. I stayed up all night on Sunday night with the lamp on because I was terrified someone was going to come in to the house, etc. I can’t stop worrying about my kids. I get horrible scenarios in my head. I slept better last night, but I still woke up at 3am and had a hard time getting back to sleep. It sucks. I’m so over this.
I know, I know, I need to seek medical help. I will! Promise. But for now, I’m eliminating the triggers. So far today I’m feeling better.