Malaise in 2017

Today was the most productive day I’ve had in a while. I went and got some groceries, made spam musubi for the first time in a while, and dyed my hair. Not that that’s a lot of activity, but moreso than most days lately.

I’ve still been in a gloomy stasis. Sometimes my stomach hurts, still not sure what does and doesn’t fuck with my body at this point. Other times I just feel unmotivated, perhaps knowing that technically I still have a bit left where I don’t have to work, even though my savings are quickly dwindling. I don’t know. Just getting out of the house today made me feel way better though. Just that simple thing. I need to keep doing that, and of course to actually work. Tonight should be a good night for that. I’ve resigned myself to being a night owl, the traffic in Portland is mega balls. I left at 430 to pick up my roommate from the airport Tuesday. I did stop at Uwajimaya, but that was basically on the way and I was in and out real quick-like. I didn’t get to the airport until 550. I’d say that’s normally a half hour drive, maybe slightly longer. I was up until 530 last night, so I guess I’m on my way heh.

I went down to Medford a couple weekends ago for the annual Big Lebowski party. Everything was fine…until the very end of the night. Probably about 3 in the morning. The sister of a couple of the guys in the group occasionally hangs out. She’s not nerdy at all, kind of a party girl, or at least used to be. I think they prefer her hanging with us because we’re a good bunch. Anyway, she started baby freaking out about wanting to leave. It seemed like she was making some drunken advances on the friend that I stay with down there and he wasn’t interested, which I think has come up before. Not sure why, she is pretty attractive and he doesn’t seem relationship-oriented. Anyway, she was still very drunk, so eventually one of the brothers offered to drive her home and back in the morning to pick up her car. Once she got to the car, she ratcheted it up to FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. It was crazy. She apparently decided that she needed to drive her car home right then. All the while screaming like a banshee at 4 in the morning. We weren’t going to let her do that, especially after one of our good friends died in a car accident last year. So several of us blocked her car by literally standing in front of the door, and she just went mental. Yelling, screaming, cursing, thrashing at whoever was in her way. She was saying some pretty fucked up stuff to her brother and apparently her niece as well. She wasn’t stopping and we didn’t want the whole bloody neighborhood to wake up, so eventually someone called non-emergency. The cops showed up, she calmed down a bit, but not really, so they took her to detox. Geezus.

Her niece was very shaken up, she’s younger though(21 I think) and thus more innocent. I wasn’t bothered too much I guess, I’ve seen people transform like that when drunk. It’s not even like the same person at that point. My ex did that a couple times, though instead of screaming and attacking people, she would just mutter stuff about not caring if she died. Certainly an alcoholic. Apparently their sister has done this before and had to be carted off to detox. I knew they didn’t really want her to drink, but figured it was harmless. I feel bad if I’ve enabled that shit at all at parties. Suffice to say she won’t be coming to any more parties there, of which it sounds like there won’t be any more of anyway. It was good while it lasted. Everything ends at some point.

I’m likely heading back down next week, I said I’d go to Marcella’s(the niece) housewarming thing. I’m wanting to trade in my car soon, so it would be a good chance to go over stuff with the friend I stay with there, who is also a car salesman and who I bought my current car from. I don’t even say anything when I go down there now, it’s almost like I live there part-time haha. Friends bug me every time to move back, but aside from hangouts, there’s really nothing down there. I need to learn to make the most of the far more numerous opportunities up here.