Jr. High Lust in The Dark Room

One very dorky, underdeveloped 12/13 year old, developed one of her first “crush” type feelings toward one very hot teacher. Yup! You got it, that was me! It was one of his first teaching positions for sure, as he most certainly was in his 20s. He had a tall athletic build and his subject area was science. With a nice school girl lust, I would have loved to be his prime specimen....looking back.... that would have been gross. Too Letourneau “ish”. I enjoyed his class for all the wrong reasons. I remember one field trip we hiked a local mountain and in order to keep him in my view, I tore up the mountain behind him like a maniac. (well, you get the picture) I remember being the first girl to make it to the top and him remarking “you’re in good shape” or something like that. Lust Lust Lust! HaHa What a dork! Oh to be so sweet and innocent again. This was completely before life tainted me. This is before the scar tissue surrounding my heart grew thick. So many tears to be shed over men who could never make me happy and vise versa. It’s hard when you were formed in a dysfunctional home and your daydreams focused on how someday your life would be amazingly happy and perfect. A life where I could create my own family, free of alcohol and drugs. A family that spent time together doing things. A dream you wanted so bad you would do anything to make it happen. Yeah, that about sums it up. Crazy, but true.

That school girl lust meant nothing in the end, accept the awakening of emotions that are highly over-rated. I would say I’ve been in love several times during my life. In “love” and “in lust” are clearly two different things.

Fast forward to now: Facebook is a wonderful thing. I found my Jr. High teacher and have reconnected. No, I did not disclose my embarrassing adolescent feelings toward him. However, he was extremely excited to hear from one of his first students…me. He was also a teacher to my husband so we are all planning to get together this summer when he and his wife are visiting their home in a neighboring town. Pretty funny how life works out. He hits like on just about all of my posts. He hits like on so many of my posts that when I played one of those super stupid Facebook tests it chose “him” as my soulmate! Guess who did not share that one? Right! Talk about super embarrassing! At least it gives me that school girl satisfaction that could never be appeased back in 1981. Life, what an amazing adventure.