umm semi-monthly daily entry in diary

Ok so I fell down on the daily entries that were gonna help with my ACE treatment. I am have had a roller coaster time the last few weeks.
I was at the point of giving up last week, latterly the day of my EMDR appointment. We worked on the can’t move fatigue that I have/had and the paralyzed I feel when my anger finally overdoses. The feeling in both was useless, and it lead back to (drum roll please) my Mom. Man she has fingers in dysfunctions I had no idea about.
Anyways long story short is that I remembered I am me....I always figure out a way…I might not have the health/energy to leap right into my life mission but I can do small steps…like the map that I learned in LM4. I made a list on my phone, and rather than erasing as done I mark a big DONE on them so that on the bad days I can look back and see the things I have done. Things towards figuring out my health, things about figuring out my finances and a big part of that being seeing if anything can be done about Dad’s will not being followed, and things about getting forward on one if not both of my books. All this while working towards being more able to look after myself.
I feel almost 100% less hopeless.
I also feel fed by my girls and my anniversary on the 7th and mother’s day on the 14. I have wonderful, thoughtful, unlike anybody else girls. The time spent together was great and an offshoot is bingo tomorrow night so more time as well. I do need to remember to ask the girls and their spouses about into night on the weekend.
I tried the no metformin as Msue said ..the last 10 or so days. Til today I would have said, other than the terrible blood sugars (wish she would have given me an what to do if it gets this high limit) but the positive stopped today. Dunno,will see. Still working on getting a cpap mask that fits, does not hurt, and does not leak. Only been doing that since October. But think I have the ear of the boss the last while and she is ordering something specially for me....small mask with large headgear. We shall see. The boss got me a cool new cpap machine about a month ago. It helps but the mask needs to be sorted out to get the full effects.
I have not tried the stimulant yet. Trying to do things one at a time so that if something goes wrong I know what did it..that and stimulant seemed like a bad idea with high blood sugars.
I talked to therapist today about sexuality or perhaps lack thereof. I have not felt comfortable enough to talk to anyone about this, perhaps other than Myke ever. I think because last weeks EMDR lead to things I did not see as connected. So what if I don’t see what is connected to this either? I mean I still believe I did not know they would stop asking, there became a time when I stopped being picked, my illness got in the way, I became to practiced at saying no, and we had to be an all girl house. I think it needs reviewing at the least.
Ok, so there is the straight poop for now. Feeling fatigued (mask leak and .4 events last night) so heres to a good night sleep and more things getting done on all fronts.