Stalemate in 2017

When winning feels like losing.

We actually had an adult conversation about the elephant that is another baby. Im pretty sure in my head I knew it was going to play out this way, which is why neither of us pursued the discussion much at all. He cant go through the emotions of another pregnancy. And thinks he would fall on unhealthy coping skills. And heaven forbid lightning happened twice....

I told him I know nobody that has regretted a pregnancy, or their child. And that even if that damn lightning struck twice....I would still have love for that child. I cant regret Ivy…how could I regret another hypothetical loss?

Im not sure either of our opinions are budging much…but I told him that I need him to bear with me as I mourn not only Ivy, but the loss of any future babies, too. (if that makes sense) I told him it feels like Im an entirely different person. I used to be a decision maker and now I feel like I havent gotten a say in so much.

And yes I did say…I cant hate you and I dont hold this against you, but bear with me while I try to figure it all out in my head.