Sparks that die ignoble deaths in Well now

I live an ADHD life, completely undiagnosed but undeniably evident.
I never seem to finish anything.

I am torn between two modes of thought:
- Absolute dismay at my inability of complete anything and
- Slightly optimistic patience that keeps me attacking tasks incrementally,
thinking, no matter what small amount I get done before moving on,
that results in the original whole minus that one little thing and,
eventually, small bite by small bite, the feast of tasks may be consumed.

I bounce between the two modes peripatetically -
dismay,
hope,
despair,
flurry of activity and feeling of accomplishment,
emotional exhaustion and self-condemnation…

That said -
As pertains to writing -
Cannot finish full essays of late.

I bounce from -
I’m a frivolous person who cannot even document my own inconsequential life
To
Who gives a shit? my damn life, my damn journal,
- Kill the self critic who sets up all these stupid rules!
To
I’ve got stuff to say but I haven’t laid the foundations building up,
so shit, can’t say anything without massive backtracking and backfill,
and that’s just so beyond me
To
Oh, just vomit something onto the page,
nothing is uncomfortable/unacceptable,
anything is more than nothing,
To
I’m hungry,
Grilled cheese maybe…

Last updated April 30, 2017