here goes in diary

Ok, so not even sure I mentioned it, but I am reading a book. Childhood Interrupted I think is the name. It is about ACE (adverse Childhood Experiences) and how they effect the health of the adult years later. This is not just new age stuff, it has been studied. It is about someone with ACE pruning the flight or fright response, that then as a teen gets naturally pruned. That is an oversimplification but anyways. After all the anectdotal stuff I had to flog through reading it finally got to how to overcome it. One of the things is writing..life stories....chronology…diaries…feelings…
So here goes an attempt to write again. I dawned on me that I started to loose my recovery about the time that my other online diary site went belly up. Maybe there is something to this writing thing.
The therapy is covering the hole in my heart stuff…and the surprising link to me not wanting to be the lone ‘that person’. It is more about being the lone person that was different and could not run with the other kids…the lonely thing, than I would have imagined. There is a lot of stuff in the book about relationships with Moms. More about males with mothers. I don’t know why they assume that moms and daughters don’t have that detachment as well. It sort of says that having the other parent ..or a ‘that person’ mitigates it. I wondered about how Russ dodged this because had about the same detachment from Mom…but then Russ had Dad AND me. phew.
Some of the other stuff that it says is mindful meditation. That would explain how the fibromyalgia is gone. Wonder why this is not gone…or going.
It is hard to remember all things. In fact when it listed about number 4 I did not recall what the first 3 had been. I went back. Writing was the first, meditation was one, well shit and I got a blank. When I went back a few pages I decided to keep going and there must be a list somewhere farther in or I could come back. It does not help to retain this stuff with the tired that makes my brain tired. But I will move forward with it. This writing being the start.
I had the follow up to the sleep study last Wednesday. For starters, I had the wrong day so had to stay at Darlene’s. Right in the middle of wedding planning..geesh. But then the guy spends maybe 5 minutes with me, getting up to open the door for me to leave when I was still asking questions. He said I did not sleep much but did not even wait for my answer to was that normal. He assumed that I had the leaky mask thing worked out…I don’t. When I said the amurra hurt my nose I think he assumed it was from dryness or something…gave me the name of a barrier lotion to put on/in my nose. It is not dryness. He then said he would write my dr to prescribe ‘a stimulant’. I have now waited 5 days and will be a full week IF the letter has reached my dr by then. Why not give me a prescription or a sample till then? I had asked my dr months ago for some sort of upper/stimulant. He said there was no such thing. Wednesday should be an interesting conversation.
I will take the stimulants. I don’t want to be more medicated but…if I have a bit more energy in a day because of them I can not only care for myself but maybe can do a bit of fitness to maybe earn back my health. Worth a try right?
Myke says he thinks I should ask about bariatric surgery. I did years ago and was told no by my dr. That and since then amysticdragon disappeared after her’s soI am assuming the worst. That and everybody assumes I eat far more than I actually do. Give me the energy, the rest as much as is needed will come.
Anyways this is my first go at writing. I will have to see how it is with this sitting here because another option is to write and then burn what I wrote.