dear self in Mental Health, 2017

you need to seriously get your ish together.

Cuz I about died at football practice today. okay thats being a tad dramatic, but it was not good.

First obvious step: Stop skipping lunch. I couldn’t tell if I was on the verge of having a heart attack or a panic attack or if I was just lightheaded and dehydrated. In short: I had zero energy, my chest felt like it was going to explode alllll practice and all I wanted to do was lay down and focus on my breathing.

It was so bad. I was trying my best not to cause a scene.

I’ve definitely lost weight. Something about seeing “anorexia nervosa” on my chart/care summary was actually triggering. Like, now I feel like I need to “prove” that that’s an accurate diagnosis.

seriously, this is how my brain operates.