Is My Back Too Strong? in New Beginnings

I’ve written about my experiences being bullied in the past. One of the more unique consequences of what I went through was that it thickened my skin as the colloquialism goes. Whenever I encounter mistreatment as an adult, it rolls of my back. I usually don’t realize that someone was rude until well after the fact. I like to think I come off as a stone faced bad ass, but in reality I probably resemble someone too dense to realize when he’s been insulted. I definitely don’t come across as quick witted, though I usually think of the perfect quip hours after the moment has passed, usually as I’m brushing my teeth for some reason.

It’s not a bad trait to develop. Doing so ensures that I don’t lose my temper at a random server, motorist, fellow gym patron, etc. However, perhaps a less beneficial aspect of this characteristic is that I sometimes put up with treatment for longer than I should; if this camel’s back should be breaking, so to speak. Specifically, I’m thinking of my job. I talked about how I wasn’t exactly the ideal employee last year. Some of it was my fault, but some of it was my cleaning up a mess that wouldn’t have happened had those above me listened to my concerns. At the moment, I think they’ve put me on a probation of sorts. They’re not calling it that, but every two weeks I have to meet with my manager and update him with what I’ve been working on and what I’ve accomplished.

I’m not sure what to make of this development. I definitely feel like I’m being baby-sat. A part of me feels like I deserve it and I should endure it quietly. Another part of me feels like I’m going to leave in the near future anyway, so maybe I should move up my estimated time of departure. Then, the former part of me reminds me how we just hired two new workers who are dependent on my guidance as they learn their jobs, and my leaving would make their climbs up their respective learning curves needlessly difficult. There’s also the upcoming internal audit that they’re counting on my to coordinate. Then the latter part of me reminds me that there will never be an ideal time to leave. There will always be some coworker dependent on me for something or some upcoming project that someone else will have to inconveniently absorb.

All that said, I’ll probably stay for another year. Not for my coworkers, but for Jiu Jitsu. I’m finally enjoying a little bit of a growth spurt. I’ve been able to survive longer against some of the more advanced ranks. Most epically, I got five submissions in the past two weeks, two of which were on a fellow blue belt. Two Thursdays ago, during no gi fight simulation, I captured said blue belt in a knee bar from guard. I had him in my full guard, he stood up to try to posture out and pass, and I dropped my right knee to the inside of his left knee, hooked my right foot on his left hip, swung my left leg around his back side, took him to the ground, and locked his knee up. It was this exact move shown below.

The very next Tuesday, I caught a blue belt an arm bar from that exact position. Yesterday, I caught someone in an arm bar from top mount, Americana from top mount, and a triangle choke from full guard, ALL IN ONE ROLL. I also escaped from side body twice, something I’ve been having incredible difficult learning since I started rolling. For the first time, I feel like I can actually get good at Jiu Jitsu. I still stink, but eventually, I won’t. I really don’t want to leave now.

Happy Easter, Everyone! Don’t eat too many Marshmallow Peeps.

Last updated April 17, 2017