10 Things About Bachelor Party Marty in These Foolish Things

He bought a house, so it’s clear that he’s over the bachelor pad with the 3 or 4 roomies. Is BPM growing up?

Eh, I dunno. His new pad looks an awful lot like a bachelor pad. We’re talking blankets tacked up over the windows bachelor pad…not the sexy Midcentury Modern type of bachelor pad.

It’s a lovely house in a very pretty neighborhood - however, that neighborhood is nestled in a VERY sketchy part of town…and not just a pre-gentrified part of town, either. This area is a long way away from getting hipster bars. There are still pit bulls that are tethered to trees in this area. Bottom line, going there in daylight is alright, but I don’t imagine ever spending the night at BPM’s

He’s a wonderfully sweet person - gentle, kind, giving. He’s also kind of clueless, and I sense a naiveté that might be kind of shocked when something goes awry with his new living situation. But oh, so very, very sweet and gentle. And sexy.

His big dog and my little dog get along very, very well. They play together. They are adorable together.

He has been thinking about doing dirty things with me for a long time. It’s been a little over a year since we met and he still talks about the night we met while he was participating in a bachelor party and we ended up kissing for hours at the bar.

He is exceptionally well endowed. And knows how to use this endowment.

He turns me on.

He gave me something to talk about at Brunch Club (and he was very proud to point this out WHILE we were doing it).

I’m positive I won’t fall in love with him.