been a while in diary

I am not sure about how long it has been. I do know that last time I was here I was on about a week of no passouts. That streak has ended, but not back to daily passouts yet. I went to the city to the sleep study dr. She says about a month till I get a sleep study. She suspects that outside of the apnea I have something else that makes my body forget to breathe. There is apparently a machine for that once they catch it at sleep study. Either that or I am waking up from some sort of twitch. I hope it is a month..she said about that…but she also seemed bewildered that it has taken since spring to get in for the apt with her. fingers double crossed. In the meantime I go tomorrow to get my cpap level upped to see if that helps and to try to find an efficient mask. I thought the old mask with chin strap was the ticket but has not been the last few days for sure.
Add to that that I have been ..sick ..the last 3 days. Sore throat and coldish sinuses that I check at only 22% my shit. The rest is empath stuff from Darlene. The chemo throat effect…have also had the cold limbs as well. We both need to get better.
Tomorrow is dr apt and I am goinig to ask for a pulse ox thing in the meantime I think.
mood wise I am…off. The upsetting things lately are grand gestures by loved ones. Mostly so far in fictional settings. I am reading 50 shades darker and a book brought me to tears for the first time ever. Then scorpion tv show …walter jumps in with sharks to save Paige. Holy crap on a cracker..tears again.
Jerry and I are talking again. He messaged me. I sorta thought were were done..he had done a fade. But he was back and I layed it all on the line. Being not well, but if there is/was/is going to be someone that I have energy for it will be him. Don’t know why I did that. It is the truth but it is also the truth it is going nowhere and he still has a thing for shining or at least talks with her. I can’t decide whether he is showing interest here to hedge his bets or because he liked the idea of someone interested or because he cares. I probably won’t know..but really what do I have going that is better right now. And he is old hippie genuine most of the time so I am hoping that goes to him being genuine in his interest.
Let’s see…what else…on day 194 of 100 day dance challenge. I am becoming a bit stubborn with not quitting. Even Saturday when I felt like a bag of shit. l
Tomoorow is 10% Tuesday so sure hope I have energy while I still have money. Stocks are getting low and sick and being thrifty don’t gel. Ordered pizza Saturday. Someone on my floor burned something beef tonight. I could smell it for hours and my lowly left over pizza and pudding cup just did not cut it.
Anyways…more after tomorrow and then after feeling better and sleep study.