Just Argh... in Book of M...

Ok seriously… what is wrong with guys???

V came over last night. We pretty much did nothing. Like we messed around and he got his twice but me not so much. I went around and fed all my animals and since he wasn’t hungry I just made Mac and cheese. Then we pretty much just went to bed and that was that. He didn’t try to cuddle me, touch me, nothing. It was worse than sleeping alone. Then he was awake by like 4am… I tried to get him to cuddle up to me but nothing. He got his again but nope. After we got up we sat on the couch while he watched the news… boring. Then I got up and told him I was going to take a shower if he was interested. So then I took a long hot shower by myself. So yeah… then he left shortly after I got out. It was maybe 8am. Like am I just that boring??

Anyways… I’m kinda over trying. That is obviously going nowhere.

Now the fun part…

Yesterday M and I had sushi for lunch because he said he owed me from last week. It was super yummy. Later in the afternoon we talked a lot. I really really enjoy private conversations with him. I like just leaning against him and being able to touch him. We flirted a lot. I teased. At some point masturbation came up and I admitted to thinking about him during. He said that no one has ever told him that which I find hard to believe. Later he said something along the lines of “Stop making me want to kiss you and stuff” and that really kinda surprised me and made my day at the same time. And I’m like “I didn’t think M was ever interested in kissing anyone.” He never wants to kiss. God I could spend hours just kissing him before moving on…

Every time I try to forget how he makes me feel… like there’s a lull… and then out of nowhere I’m reminded with a vengeance.

There was talk of personas and what he let’s people see. How he’s sweet when no one else is watching. He said well maybe this is just how I am around you… maybe, but it makes me want to explore every facet of what’s underneath. He wants to know everything. It bothers him a great deal when someone won’t tell him something. I want to know everything about him. Good, bad, boring, trivial, it doesn’t matter, I want to know every inch of him. And then I want to memorize all my favorite parts like lines in a great book.

“The way you’re moving in your sleep,
The way you look before you leap,
The strange illusions that you keep,
You don’t know but I’m noticing.”

Last updated February 04, 2017