I never write and I don’t even know if anyone reads me but that’s ok :) I read daily and comment sometimes but never know what to write. I did wish I wrote more just to remember things but eh what can you do?
I’m finally going to the states and I’m super excited! It’s been about 3 years since I’ve been to America. On this day next week I’ll be in NYC my favorite place in the world with my awesome boyfriend and my dearest friend. Then we will be off to New Orleans to see my sister. I really wish she would come visit me. Istanbul is beautiful. But I guess I don’t blame her with all of the terror attacks we have been having.
Sometimes I feel ready to give up life in Istanbul but honestly I wouldn’t know where to go. I don’t have close family. Where would I work? I’ve thought about moving to another city in Turkey but the bf would have a hard time finding a job. He’s talked about Germany but I couldn’t work there. Who knows what we will do.
I am excited to go ‘home’ for me NYC is home. The first place I felt like I belonged. It’s so hard to imagine that 10 years ago I packed my bags and just left everything behind to start over. I lived in a shitty apartment and lived paycheck to paycheck but I was happy. Because I was doing something I always wanted to do. Then 4 years after that I packed my bags again and got on a plane halfway around the world to follow my heart and start over again.
My heart was wrong btw…but I did fall in love with this city and I found new love here. But the sparkle of istanbul is fading. So many bombings and attacks in 2016 and it’s already started again for 2017. (Shooting in a night club on NYE) I just don’t feel the same here anymore and that makes me sad. Friends come and go. The economy is tanking. It’s just lost it’s shine and I hope one day I can go out and not worry about walking too close to a group of police. Or feel nervous in tourist places. Or stress about crowded places or public transit. But is the rest of the world any safer?
for now I don’t have answers. For now I have 1 week to wait for my perfect holiday and delicious food (bacon!) and seeing my friends and my sister and for now that’s enough for me.
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