I Hate Logistics - 8/8/2007 in 2005 - 2007: High School

On a few occasions in elementary school, I was made to read bus schedules. Sometimes, there were even bus schedules on tests. On these occasions, all of the other kids seemed to deal with the bus schedules pretty well. Either they already knew how to read them or they caught on pretty quickly. I, however, have never had any fucking idea how to read a bus schedule. I would always stare at the bus schedule for a while, completely unable to process it, and then be thrown into a state of panic.

Preparing to go to college feels like someone has placed one hundred bus schedules in front of me and has told me to find twenty-three busses that will take me to certain places by certain times, all the while hinting that if I miss one of the busses, my future career is doomed. DOOMED!

I am also starting to be afraid that I will not be good enough to be in any bands. Every time I make a mistake while practicing, a little voice in my head goes, "NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR COLLEGE!" The jazz band audition piece for trombone is easy enough, but there's sight reading too. And it looks like flutes can only be in the combos. And there are only three of those.

And I keep thinking about how I have never had any private lessons, ever.

NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR COLLEGE!

Alright alright, I guess it won't be the end of the world if I don't make any jazz bands. I didn't make the jazz band as a freshman in high school either. Or a sophomore. But by the end of senior year I was officially jazz kid number two. I should remember this. Not that I'm awesome, but that I have proven myself able to fight from the bottom of something to the top. That will be important to remember.

Okay okay, I just have to breath. And practice. And read that book I have to read maybe. Shit.