Awkward Phone Conversations #473 and 474 - 7/6/2007 in 2005 - 2007: High School

I have been in this crazy obsessive mode for three days now, and it is making me really exhausted. Pretty much all I have done all day for the last THREE DAYS is read nerdy crap on Harry Potter websites and draw Harry Potter fanart. I am genuinely embarassed. I made a promise to myself that I would never draw fanart, and now I am drawing it OBSESSIVELY. (Which... I suppose is probably the only way you can draw fanart. But shh!)

So yeah, I don't feel so good right now, probably because I got up at ten and started drawing fanart, and I have been doing that since then, and it is now quarter of six. I have no idea how it got to be quarter of six. Ugh. I am so tired. I need to stop.

I talked to Molly. That is the important part of this entry. I don't remember exactly how the conversation went. I do remember that we both said that we didn't really have anything to say. Then I said that I didn't think she really needed to apologize for anything, because she hadn't actually done anything wrong. Then she said that she had, that she'd hurt my feelings, and when I said "but it wasn't reasonable of me to expect you to do anything different," she said, "I don't think that matters. I don't think it matters at all."

I am going over to her house tonight.

"We were really close before, and I don't think we can ever be that close again, but that doesn't mean we can't see each other," she said. That's a part that I remember.

"This is not as bad as I thought it might be. I don't think I am going to cry. Sorry about the message." That is another.

I don't think I said as much as she did. I think I mumbled a lot.

We decided to invite Bonnie, and maybe Tom. The conversation with Bonnie was more awkward than I expected it to be. And it was awkward because of me, not because of her. I was afraid of her. I kept wanting to tell her that I'd meant to call her during this past month, and that I didn't call her because I'm shy, not because I don't care about her. But I didn't say that. I was barely able to answer her when she asked how my summer had been so far.

"Look, the other thing is... I don't know if you know this, but this is sort of a reconciliation hanging-out. I got really mad at Molly..."

"Yeah, I heard."

"Oh. Well, will that be too awkward for you?"

"No, I think it'll be fine. Thank you for making up."

I have put off calling Tom until now. I think he'll probably be working. He's a waiter at this fancy restaraunt and I think he usually works Friday nights.

Alright, so now I'm going to take some tylenol and drink some water and not proofread this entry and go over to Molly's house. We will see how it goes. I hope I will not feel like shit while I am there. I hope I do not find myself constantly talking about Harry Potter.