I didn’t, but I almost did.
I was coming back from running errands in the truck, and while I was on the street, a girl walked past my drive while I was still on the street waiting on the gate to open. I swear she looked exactly like BL (First gf.) I’ve seen some that look really similar to her, but this girl was a dead ringer for BL. It was scary. What really got me was she took a good look at me while I was on the street waiting for her to pass. I pulled in the drive before the gate was open far enough, so I had to stop and wait a little more, and I saw her in my side mirror stop and full on stare like she’d recognised me. I hit the button to shut the gate as soon as I got the back of my truck clear of it, and had to sit in the truck and collect myself for a few minutes.
Unrelated note: biodiesel exhaust doesn’t smell as bad as the fossil variety, but it still doesn’t smell remotely pleasant.
When I got in the house, the cat and dog both could tell something was up. They were both calm and quiet - something that is normally impossible for my dog to accomplish when I’ve been gone for more than 2 minutes.
I went back out and did a couple more errands and picked up food (teriyaki) to try and get what had just happened shoved out of my head. It’s not working. Just put my truck back in the big garage and plugged it in. I don’t think I’m gonna make 3 weeks not smoking.
I cannot do this. I’m going to have an absolute meltdown. It’s my own fault because I’ve allowed myself to be alone for… hell I don’t even know how long anymore… too long, basically.
I’ll be clear, there’s no way it’s actually BL. Even though she and I don’t talk, we do have a mutual friend, so I know she doesn’t live even remotely near me - as in two time zones away. It’s been what feels like a millennia since she and I actually had any kind of conversation, but my heart still wants the impossible.