Imagination - 6/17/2007 in 2005 - 2007: High School

I've been a little less sane than usual as of late. My thought patterns have gotten a lot weirder and more intense. For example, I've been having imaginary conversations a lot. I have imaginary conversations with Julian during which we discuss the exact nature of our relationship, which invariably turns out to be something more complex and interesting than what it appears to be. I have imaginary conversations with Speedy during which he confesses his love for me and I say, "No Speedy, it can never be!" I have imaginary conversations with Bonnie during which I try to explain what happened with Molly and Dave without looking like a terrible person. And I have lots of imaginary conversations with the New Ann, during which I try to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me and how I am ever going to fix it. I have imaginary conversations normally, but not quite to this extent. I have also developed this really involved, mostly non-sexual fantasy where Julian and I are captured by aliens, and I've been thinking about that a lot. I also get the urge to drive by his house every time I go to the grocery store, which always leads to me shouting "NO!" several times, all by myself in the car.

When you're a little kid, adults always talk about "imagination" like it's this desirable quality and this huge deal. But at least for me, imagination is directly proportional to loneliness. It is just my brain desperately trying to keep itself company. And there's always been a fair amount of weird stuff going on in my head, because I've always been fairly detatched. But Christ, I haven't been this imaginative since I was fat and friendless in elementary school.

I guess it could help that I haven't been doing much. I mean, Friday I spent the whole day obsessing over this site. And yesterday, because the site was down, I played Civ Three for like four hours. I don't even like Civ Three that much. I haven't even figured out how to establish trade routes.

I have started practicing. I think it's so that even if I don't make any friends at college, I will at least be that crazy jazz flute girl.

I haven't practiced for the last couple of days though, because my dentist pressured me into getting oral surgery again. This time it was to rebuild a gum that had receded. It was weird to see all the blood. The thread for the stitches went in white and came out red. But it really wasn't bad other than that. I couldn't feel anything during it, and now it is no more painful than braces were all the time.

Side note to any parents who may be reading this: Please do not put braces on your children unless they really need them. Most of the time they are not worth it. Here is my new slogan for the orthodontic industry:

<font size="5">Braces: You may be forcing your child to endure several years of constant discomfort, but at least you are living up to an unrealistic and meaningless standard of perfection.</font>

Alright, I think that's it. I should go say something to my father, probably. I hate all holidays.