The Response - 6/14/2007 in 2005 - 2007: High School

Aidan, I understand you are upset and I think I understand why, though I have to say I have been upset about the way you have been acting as well. I have thought about talking to you about this but I guess I'm glad you emailed first because I now I know a little bit more about what you are thinking. I guess I will just try to respond to what you have said to me and then see what you think.

So, first of all, I would just like to say: yes, Dave and I are a couple. That means that we do a lot of things together. I don't have a problem with touching Dave when we are hanging around our friends at a party. Most of our friends don't have a problem with it either. I guess I have previously been opposed to PDA, but I suppose I have, as you accused me, changed my mind. I am still conscious of the presence of other people when I am with Dave - we don't, for example, make out in public - but I show my affection for him (and he will show his for me) anyways. I guess I had just never been in a relationship before and I didn't realize what it was like. Dave makes me happy so I want to be around him. It's as simple as that.

You may call this "romantic crap" obnoxious, disgusting, insecure, immature, weak, weird and whatever other insulting things you like but that is not going to make me stop. As far as I can tell, Dave and I have a fairly healthy relationship. We have healthy boundaries and serious conversations about the future and everything. In fact, I love Dave and he does tell me that he loves me. I still have an individual identity but we also have an identity as a couple. This is not a bad thing. I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, but I think you either need to accept this or decide once and for all that you don't want to be friends with either of us. You are really in no position to make me want to change the way I act at this point. You have been pushing me and all your friends away from you all year. I have tried very hard to think of your feelings, but I am tired of being hyper-conscious of how close I am to Dave in your presence. I'm tired of constantly wondering if I am offending you or hurting your feelings when you are hurting mine. You say that I "no longer give a shit" about you. This isn't true. I care so much about you that it is exhausting because I feel like what I want for myself, you don't want for me. What am I supposed to do? Dump Dave because that's what you want? I'm just starting to give up.

I honestly have tried to stay your friend in spite of everything. Maybe I have not been doing a very good job?I keep inviting you to hang out in the hopes that if we spend time together I will not feel so desperately uncomfortable around you, but now I learn that you only interpreted that as guilt pangs. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough, but when is the last time you have invited me anywhere to do anything? I just can't remember. All I think about is that time you inexplicably kicked Bonnie, Dave and me out of your house without any explanation, and how whenever I call you you are too tired or busy or have to work in the morning.

I really never wanted to lose you as a friend. I didn't just ditch you to be with Dave. I loved having a best friend with whom I could share everything. I really loved you. Now I'm just afraid of you and of what you think of me.

You asked me in your email where I went and why I'm not your friend anymore and I guess I could ask the same questions to you. I guess I just don't understand what happened. It's fairly obvious that my relationship with Dave is at the center of this. I thought you were happy for me because I found a boyfriend but apparently you weren't really. It just disgusts you. We are "fucking obnoxious". I'm sorry if I have been mean to you in any way so much that I provoked this response from you. I have been frustrated and confused with our relationship for a long time and can only apologize for taking this out on you in this way.

I guess I should conclude my email here. I'm sorry for the delay in sending it to you; I spent a lot of time writing it. I was very upset when I first read your email and it took me a while to not write anything rude. I have tried to be fair and tell you what I thought as rationally as I could. You will probably think that I misunderstood some of the things you said or that I said things you thought were unfair or untrue but this is basically how I see things. I did my best.

Also, I should probably add that I did ask Alicia to read your email for me as well as my response back so I could see what she thought. I have also generally discussed your sentiments with Dave and Eric, though they did not read either email. I am considering, however, sending both to Dave, though I will not if you would prefer that.

I would appreciate a reply but honestly if you are going to continue to tell me how much you dislike me then don't bother. If, on the other hand, you would like to make an effort to overcome this with me (meaning I will be making the effort as well) please do reply. I would appreciate it if you would use my new ITI email address because the other address is a family account.

Sincerely, Molly C. O'Connell

I agree with and understand pretty much everything you said in your response. I guess I should have acknowledged more that most of what I said wasn't rational, and some of it wasn't even true. I knew that while I was writing it. It was just meant to be my feelings. I tried not to show you guys my feelings for a long time because I knew they weren't rational and I wished they would go away, but I didn't even do that very successfully, and I could only do it for so long. I just got to an exploding point and had to tell you how I felt even though I knew it wasn't really justified.

So being rational now: I honestly think that this is a personal problem and that you and Dave don't have any responsibility to fix it. I've tried to fix it, but I haven't been able to. For whatever reason, your relationship continues to make me upset and uncomfortable. So I really don't know about the making an effort to fix things. Like really, I don't know. I do not want to lose you as friends, but I don't know if I can continue to be your friend when I can't help but be uncomfortable whenever I'm around you. I think that part of the reason I did this now is that we have to say goodbye anyway. I would have liked to hang out with you guys sometimes in college, but I honestly think that maintaining a friendship from two hours away would have been a losing battle even without a conflict. So I think that maybe the best we can do is try to understand each other's positions and not be mad at each other and say goodbye amicably, which is all that most people can hope for at the end of high school anyway. But I don't know. I'm really having a hard time being decisive about this. I'm sorry.

I'm fine with you sending these to Dave, and I'm fine with Alicia and Eric knowing. And I'll see you when I see you. Seriously, I'll talk to you later. I do want to see you and I don't want things to be weirder than they have to be. And I'm sorry. And I love you too.

• Aidan.

And that's how I lost all of my friends in highschool.