exhaustion and nostalgia have drawn out some strange thought paths in Sometimes I feel dead inside

7:30 am your alarm goes off. you shut it off
8:30 am your 2nd alarm goes off. you shut it off
9:00 am the timer you set goes off, you need to leave for work now or you’ll be late
stay in the shower a couple minutes longer anything to avoid going to work
get ready for work knowing you’re going to be late, maybe the shirt looks clean but may not have been washed in a month
its smells fine so good enough
the dread sets in on the commute, you try to combat it with something that will bring you up. music, maybe a podcast
force that smile, you will go in with a good attitude, while thinking up an excuse as to why you’re late....again
just have to make it through the weekend
check your phone, check your facebook, go through all the different click bait sites you go to
have to kill time until you can leave.
working for a company that doesn’t care about you and you don’t care about
a jail sentence for a paycheck.
all while your life trickles away.
realizing the dreams you had when you were younger have passed, your passion has gone
willing to let it be, because you have too much to lose.
you have bills, you need security, you need your routine, your religion
looking for some magical situation to come from no where and make you a billionaire or movie star or whatever
its not like that, so you distract yourself, kill more time, your moment will come
just keep thinking you’re special, you’re not like those other losers, you’re better
you just need one chance or one more chance.
you’re ready to do this, you’ve been waiting your whole life
you’ve been waiting since you were a child, and you’ll keep waiting until you’re dead
opportunity isn’t going to show up at your door and give you the world
you have to take it
you have to go get it
sure there are always exceptions
but you are not one
sure you think you are, and theres no way to convince you otherwise
even though you know that your 9-5 isn’t the answer
its not going to give you the life you want
its barely giving you what you need
and yet its your only hope?
though its easier than making any effort to change things
and being uncomfortable is a terrible idea
so what do you do?

so i’ve hyped myself up for the weekend
i remind myself that i need to do something.
cause this isn’t working
i’m not happy with the way somethings in my life have gone
the marked growth isn’t enough
the improvement isn’t enough
the predatory voice in my head demands more
demands to always be moving
insists on becoming the person that i am in my head
not the person everyone else views me as, but the adonis/god i am in my head
my own personal tyler durden

Last updated January 09, 2017