These Arms in diary

I …just listened to These Arms Of Mine-Otis Redding. I feel lonely. I don’t get ..Lonely…and longingly.... I am always ok with my life. I guess now I have to say almost always. I listened to it, and wondered…when is the last time I have been really really hugged. I mean my kids and grandkids hug me…that fleeting in a hurry it’s Gramma hug. But it has been a very very very long time since someone hugged me that way that felt like they did not want to let me go. That you worried just fleetingly about your ability to breath they hugged so hard.
It was not even just since the last romantic hug…that was long ago. But there were men at TWOTH that hug great. Rick for example. But since Rick does not come anymore no men come. I don’t know..maybe I had a bit of a thing for Rick, and him for me too in an innocent sorta way. But he maybe filled that …these arms.
I messaged Matt on new years. That’s the thing with messenger…you don’t know if they are even out there anymore. Mistake or not…yea probably a mistake…but I am just feeling…lonely.
I don’t know what to do about this. I don’t think it would have to be a romantic hug…but how does one just find someone to hug them…just to get that need out?
It’s been a week now..this is not going away..