Projects And Things That Are Cozy - 5/9/2007 in 2005 - 2007: High School

I still have the entirety of High School Musical stuck in my head. One song after another, all the time. And you know what? It is not annoying me yet. I kind of like it. The music is like macaroni and cheese. It is like a like a lullaby. It is like a warm bed. I can curl up in High School Musical and fall asleep.

I have been able to curl up and fall asleep in a lot of things recently. This is what the Speedy thing is about. It is why I have been more sentimental than usual about the band. It is why I have suddenly developed the idea that my secret ambition is to be a novelist, and so I will do that and be happy. It is why I have been reading a coffee table book that I have about jazz, over and over, even though I have already read every part of it several times. It is like I am a little kid saying "Tell me the story of Charlie Parker again" even though I could recite it if I wanted to. The fact that I already know it makes it more enjoyable, not less. This all has been making me pretty happy. It is the good side of having an obsessive personality.

In other ways, I have not been so happy. In other ways I am being pretty damn emo. I have been skipping school all over the place. I failed to even finish my AP calc test today. I left the last section blank. I get into fights with Rogers every electrical engineering class because I do not understand electrical engineering, and he answers my questions badly, and when I keep asking for clarification he says that I should be figuring it out for myself. I have terrible grades and lots of missing work. I complain to everyone about how I have no idea how I am going to pass my classes, and how I am going to end up in a van down by the river. I'm sure it is getting pretty annoying. Especially since I don't really have friends to complain to anymore, just random acquaintences.

I have to write a song. For music theory. This should definately be the least of my worries, since I am going to get an A on it, no matter what. I mean, half the kids in the class are those guitarists who don't even play the guitar. This one dude has had to have time signitures explained to him about twelve times. This other dude has been completely convinced (by the time signiture dude) that Hap Hazardly is a person. Mr. Thomas is not going to be all, "This lacks harmonic complexity!"

(man, what a horrible class.)

But, as you may have guessed, I am stressing out about it pretty hard. It is pretty important to me for some reason that this be beautiful. And I have not been able to come up with anything that I don't think sucks.

I do have something. I think it sucks, but it's something. It is for flute and alto sax and guitar (but I think I'll have to settle for Jack on piano.) Specifically, it is for me and Julian and guitar. I have for a while been debating the ethics of actually getting Julian to record it with me. Here is the conversation in my brain:

"Dude, is this song about Julian?* Is this a love song of sorts? Because if it is, it's totally devious and weird to get him play it with you, unknowingly."

"Well... Not necessarily. I dunno. Maybe I just think it's his style, that's all. Maybe I'm just writing this because I'm writing it, and it just so happens that I can hear Julian playing it because his tone and stuff would work well with it. Yeah."

"Maybe you shouldn't ask him to record it with you anyway, just in case."

"But I have to present it somehow. I have to have something recorded. Who else am I going to play it with? Speedy? I thought we were trying to eliminate the weirdness."

"Oh. Point."

I asked him if he'd do it today at jazz band. He said he will. Then we had a conversation. (Woo.)

Now I just have to finish writing the song. And do a project on French politics. And the history of calculus. And build something for electrical engineering. (God, that's going to be as bad as the time signiture kid's theory project.)

I'm still not feeling much about my mom. Or thinking about it much, really. Maybe I'm not heartless. Maybe I'm just busy. I'm supposed to be busy as a senior at this time of year, right? Yeah.