Fuck. I'm Valerie. - 5/6/2007 in 2005 - 2007: High School

I'm attracted to Speedy. Like, for real now.

Here are exactly the reasons why, in order from most significant to least significant: (Seriously, sometimes I am just way too easy to figure out.)

1. He is a sophomore, and a bandie. This is definitely a last-ditch effort to hold on to highschool, and the band. "Oh, someone who is staying immersed in the world in which I am immersed for another two years, and does not have to go away forever. Let's fixate on him a little. Maybe then I will not have to go away forever." That is what I am saying to myself.

2. He is almost, but not quite, Julian.

3. Quote: "You have left an enormous legacy for the rest of us to live up to. Surely you have inspired us all," end quote. And... and he gave me flowers. Like... while smiling and blushing.

4. Let's face it, I have an incredible weakness for awkward guys, in general.

(And really good musicians. <font size="2">Like, really good.</font>)

This will be ignored. I am ignoring this. It is downright wrong. I mean, for one thing, he's ugly. He's pimply and has a kind of weird shaped head, and when he smiles it's a little reminiscent of some evil mythical creature, and he has a running joke with T.K. that there is an entire summer camp on the bridge of his nose. Usually I'm not this forthcoming about how ugly people are, but in this case I really have to be honest with myself. For another thing, I do not want to be this shallow. I refuse to be this shallow. I have had too many crushes, with too little space in between them. I do not need another one. Three weeks before I graduate, at that. Most importantly, he is a sophomore. His birthday was on the night of the second show. He turned sixteen years old. That means that on the night of the first show, he was fifteen years old. He at that point did not even have his learner's permit. In case you haven't gotten the point from all the italics, I am pretty freaked out by this.

It is really only a slight thing. I'm probably only thinking about it because it's so weird. I am probably exaggerating it in my mind. It's really only a sort of tendency... I've just noticed that I am unusually interested in him as of late... I do that thing where I go out of my way a little to hang out with him...

Fuck.

I wanted to write another entry. It will probably come tomorrow. It will be about how the rest of the play has gone. There will be a lot of stories in it about Speedy.