This Entry Is About Very Little - 4/25/2007 in 2005 - 2007: High School

I think I am resolving to be less pompous. I think I am resolving this because I am reading the Adrian Mole diaries, and they are depressingly familiar. The real-life level of arrogance in my diaries is really not much lower than the comic level of arrogance in Adrian Mole's diaries. Reading them, I was like, "Yup, that's exactly how I wrote when I was thirteen. And... That's exactly how I wrote when I was fifteen. And... I am basically still writing like that, aren't I? I know what I'm talking about a little more than when I was thirteen, but I'm still just as arrogant." I think that anybody who keeps a diary is bound to be an egomaniac, really. (I mean, just look around this website for thirty seconds. No offense, anybody.) But if I'm going to be an egomaniac, I can at least hide it.

One thing I am proud of about my early teenage years: I never tried to write any poetry.

I am still kind of in one of those post-breakdown moods where I cannot really bring myself to think too hard about how I feel. I am just sort of living one day at a time and not worrying as much as I should and concentrating on books and bagels and not much else. So here is what I have to say: I have just drunk too much iced tea for someone who does not react well to caffeine, and I have been staring at the computer for too long, so I feel kind of weird. It is cooler out than it was supposed to be, but it feels nice. I got to come home early today. I like coming home early. I have been eating at the sub shop across the street lately when I come home early. This makes me happy. I think I will walk to jazz band today. I hung out with Speedy yesterday for a little bit. It was awkward. I cannot tell how Speedy feels about me. Molly and Dave keep wearing their sweatshirts, but again, I sort of just do not think about it. The new Ann says that I should just try to tolerate Molly and Dave for the rest of highschool and then lose touch with them in college since I am going to anyway. I guess this is alright with me.

I am trying to work on my trichotillomania with her. I figure it is time to cut that out, but I've tried and it hasn't worked. She says that you can just take a pill for it. It is apparantly the same pill they use when you have the hiccups all the time, or a nervous tic. I said that that was good, since I have the hiccups all the time, and a nervous tic. I think I would be okay with taking that kind of pill, since it seems like it actually does something physiologically, instead of just drugging you up to make you happy. I don't think I want my parents to know why I need it though. Mostly because I feel like they'd say, "Well, your hair looks fine." And then I'd have to explain that uh... I don't do it anywhere that you can see. My doctor knows, I'm pretty sure. The last time I had a physical, she sort of cringed at how cut up and infected everything is down there. She just told me that maybe I should stop shaving, but I feel like she knows. I also feel like my doctor knows that most of my physical illnesses are caused or enhanced by nerves. I think we both know that if I could somehow just calm down and cheer up a little, I would go to her much less often.

I need to stop being so honest with the internet.

The Adrian Mole diaries are good books. Also, L'Etranger turned out to be worth reading. I have resolved to be a better student this term, but I have now been on the internet for more than two hours, so clearly that is not working out.

I think that is about all. Sorry I'm not feeling interesting or coherant right now.