I wanna let go of it in diary

So my older sister called today. Come to think of it I am not sure why. I guess to ask if her bf had got my car going last night.
Anyways she asked what I was doing and I said writing in my diary about my dream. That, I suppose is how we got on the subject of the phone call and so ..not really thinking it made any difference or was a secret I told her it was the psychologist. She says ‘what will you do if they tell you to go to bed earlier and get up earlier?’ I still did not get where she was going I guess. I said that it would not make much sense to change that as sleep seems to be my issue so why mess with how I have found to get my best sleep as I get the best of the sleep in morning.
She goes on with ‘I would like to sleep in every day too....”
There it is. 1. the clear indicator that she views me as just lazy rather than disabled. 2. she has no idea what I have overcome 3. how sick I am and 4. what I am fighting to overcome now.
I keep thinking of things I should have said in response. I didn’t say it…I silently ‘faz’led’ her and changed the subject.
But really what could I say that might make her understand. First of all I had just said that the doctor had referred me to a psychologist as he was worried that shape I am in has made me depressed, and that did not stop her from making a comment that might ..well did…bring me down.
I have not made how fatigued I am or the doctoring I am doing a secret, so I guess she can’t hear me for some reason.
All the years I dragged her and her kids through her stuggling I never once said it was all in her head or could be overcome by being less lazy. If I were dreadful I guess I could have said I should steal money and go out to the bar and get drunk every day to overcome/forget it like she did.
I maybe should have said something to the effect that I heard her input but would leave the changes to me and the doctors. But even that would have caused me to incur her wrath as she would take offense.
I think this conversation weighs on me because she also says things about her not believing that things withMom were not as bad as I say they were as a child. She actually lead me to hint at it with a family friend that was always around to see if it was maybe in my head. It wasn’t. I know that the other sister and my baby brother know it was that bad , but really chose not to bring it up with them because I don’t wanna bring up stuff about Mom that bring especially my brother down.
She always says that Dad was dreadful to her. Other than him trying to consequence her for very bad behavior I don’t think Dad was bad towards her, or as bad as she says, but I would never doubt her out loud because it was her life and how she feels about it is valid. I only want the same respect from her.
It just brings me down that she is so negatively opinionated about me and my life. I guess hold the opinion but also hold your tongue. Part of me so often wants to yell “PEOPLE IN GLASS HOUSES!!
I don’t know if dumping this here helped....but done.