difference of opinion in 2016

11:15pm

Ok. Quick update on things from today.

It really does help to type things out by the way. It’s nice to get everything out of my head, even if it’s crazy and doesn’t make any sense. At least it’s not clogging up my brainspace.

Not that anyone in here would need to be reminded of these facts. I think we all have our reasons for writing.

This is supposed to be quick though so let’s get a move on.
[Two entries in one day. eek!]

I ended the last one complaining about how I couldn’t concentrate. It really is hard to think about much else once my mind jumps on the TF track.

So, by around 5pm things had slowed down in the office and mom started to bring up the fact that TF had not called back. We mentioned how strange it was. I said maybe he was avoiding her. I was trying to make jokes so it wouldn’t seem like a big deal. She made a joke about how he was scared of her. hah. I agreed and said that he was probably waiting so that she wouldn’t tell him to bring the letter in.

I think I played it off pretty well. She maybe suspects something was going on but she didn’t ask questions like she normally does. I did mention that we were on a “break” the other day though so maybe that staved her off.

Anyway, it was being mentioned a lot and I thought it was going to get weird if he didn’t call at all. Eventually [after a draft or two] I built up the courage to send an e-mail. I was trying to avoid that because of the business/personal thing but I couldn’t help it anymore.

I finally sent a message around 5:45 [since we were getting out at 6] and said that I knew we weren’t really talking anymore but he should still call the office back and I promised not to answer.

I was trying to distract myself waiting to see if he was going to respond so I started doing random things. I was also trying to drag out the time because mom was ready to leave and I was hoping he’d call her.

About 10 minutes later I was poking through JR’s paperwork [mostly just staring at the screen] when I clicked over to my open email and saw the number had changed. I was kinda surprised to see he’d actually replied. He said, “We’re still friends Rose.” and went on to explain that he’d been in meetings all day and work is crazy because of the holidays. Then he asked what was up.

I was contemplating my reply, or if I even wanted to send one, so I got up and started putting things away slowly. I was unlocking the front door when the phone started ringing. I was standing in the middle of the room but I leaned over the front desk to see a flash of his name, and a local number, just as my mom laughed and mentioned he was calling.

She joked with him about waiting until she was closing to call back. [She didn’t know I’d sent the e-mail] He was clearly giving her the same “really busy” excuses while she teased him. They talked about the letter and what not. He must have asked if he needed to bring it in because I heard her mention that it was the same she’d gotten and not to worry about it. She just told him that if he got anything else he should email her a picture.

[sidenote: That was kinda weird of her to say now that I think about it. She always tells him to bring in the letters. It was either because she didn’t want to come in on an off day (like tomorrow) or because she suspects something going on.
She also mentioned tonight (as I was joking about only having had one drink and less last night too) that it must be because I haven’t really been talking to TF. She added JR too a bit later. Interesting though.]

We left work a little while after they hung up. She didn’t repeat a lot of the details to me. And I was debating whether to respond to the message or not.

I wanted to talk to him, of course, but I also wanted to let it go. It’s a tough situation to be in.

Finally at almost 8:30pm I sent a message saying that was interesting. Considering that he didn’t even want to be friends before I was finding it hard to imagine.
Almost immediately he responded, “ok.” And I said “ok.” back because what the hell?

I thought about it for a while and started to think that he’s probably just frustrated by the situation. I can see him reading that, rolling his eyes, and not wanting to deal. I get it. I can understand another point of view. So about an hour later I sent another message: I’m actually not really ok with it. I’m having a terrible time letting go of the idea. So if you’re ever serious about being friends again​, I’m still open to it. Because I have this weird obsession with being honest with him! I just want to tell him what I think, and feel, and everything ever! I have no idea why.

Then about half an hour later he said, “We didn’t stop being friends. We just had a little difference in opinion.” That is an interesting point of view. I would not have expected to hear that from him. He’s always so like, I don’t even know how to describe it…logical? That doesn’t seem like the right word. But he says things that make total sense and I never would have thought of them. Like he looks at the world through different eyes. [I like that about him. That he makes even me look at the world differently..]

It took me a little bit to respond back but I finally said that I didn’t know that. That it was good to hear and I should pay more attention when these things happen between us. I said that I guess it was ok to have a little difference in opinion and we can learn new things.

He didn’t respond to that but it was sent after 10pm and I assume he’d be in bed already. You know, with him getting up at like 4am and all that. We talked about that the other day and how I’d be going to bed when he’d be waking up. That was one of the reasons he said we wouldn’t be compatible. heh.

I have no idea what will happen tomorrow. I just know that I’m back on this giant roller coaster again.

Oops? I wasn’t exactly planning on this. I figured he’d never want to talk again. At least not in the being friends kinda way. I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around this idea of not being in touch with him anymore and learning to deal with it. But I can’t say that I’m sorry that we might be talking again. That would be a silly thing.

I just hope he gives this the chance that it deserves.
That’s all I’m looking for here. It’ll be hard to let go without it.

Now bed. We’ll see what tomorrow holds, tomorrow.

rose.
11:58pm

Last updated December 22, 2016