College! - 8/24/2006 in 2005 - 2007: High School

It's finally happened. I have finally found a college that makes choosing a college easy. Woo!

I decided to look at the college, as usual, because I had heard of it, and knew it was big and good and had a marching band. My parents asked if I wanted to go visit it, and I said, "sure, I guess." My dad ended up taking me, because the school happens to be his alma mater. (Not that he ever talks about it or particularly cares whether or not I go there.) This was a bit of a big deal, since my dad's laziness, nerves, and addiction to nicotine make eight hour car drives a living hell for him. He agreed to take me after I learned to drive a stick so that I would be able to take over once in a while.

Since the very beginning of this college thing, people have been saying "Don't worry, eventually you will drive onto a campus and the clouds will open up and you will just know that that college is the place you want to be." And since the very beginning, I have assumed that this is complete bullshit. Why would you suddenly just know you liked a place without having anything to base it off of? I assumed that that would never happen to me, and that therefor I was screwed. But actually, that is pretty much exactly what happened. I mean, it wasn't as sudden as that, but I definately just got good vibes. Very strong ones. It just seemed like a nice place. The people just seemed like cool people - smart, creative people, but not intellectual elitists out to prove something. Interesting, confident, different people, but not obnoxious nonconformists-for-the-sake-of-it. The college seemed like the kind of place where you take a class because you want to take that class, and where you learn because you like to learn, and where the administration lets you do that instead of trying to tell you what classes you want to take. It seems like the kind of place where people are genuine and nobody gives anybody else any shit unless they deserve it. It seems like the kind of place where somebody like me would fit in pretty quickly.

There are reasons apart from the good vibes though. They have an incredibly flexible program with thousands of awesome classes, including forty-four different languages, gym classes like ice skating, swing dancing and meditation, a great Asian studies program and a pretty respectable music program. They have tons of different ensembles (including more than fifty a cappella groups) a kickass music library, brand new practice rooms and music professors that I've heard of. But they don't make you fill your schedule with music classes. They don't even make you audition live. Everybody takes a theory test and sends in a CD. And everybody actually gets to have a well rounded liberal arts education.

The only thing is... I'm kind of afraid I won't get in, and that's a pretty legitimate fear. The college is right up there with the most prestigious schools in the country, and my GPA dropped significantly this year. It's not a huge stretch for me, but it's a stretch. So I guess I'm going to apply early decision and hope for the best.

It was kind of interesting to spend so much time with my father. Especially in a place which is such an important part of his past that I never knew anything about. He started talking about when he was in college a little bit when we got there. He even got kind of excited a few times. I can see where he fit in there - a smart kid with no particular goal in life, funny, genuine, cynical, and arrogant, although not necessarily in an unrealistic way. Once in a while I realize that almost my entire personality comes from my father. Then I wonder why conversations between us are rare and awkward. Maybe it's because we share the tendancy to shy away from anything that resembles bonding. Maybe it's because the person that I catch occasional glimpses of seems to be hidden behind the person who sits in front of my TV drinking wine all day. I have a hard time understanding how it is that my father got to be where he is now. He was valedictorian in highschool. He got the Harvard book award, was a hardcore drama kid, and held down a job and a social life. He got accepted into the previously discussed college, which he coasted through for four years, finally coming out with a French degree. He got a job at a crappy private school, followed by a job at a less crappy public school, and currently lives in the suburbs, where he sits in front of the TV drinking wine all day. I wonder at what point he gave up. Or whether he never wanted anything more than this anyway. I wonder whether I am going to end up living a life that I am not particularly excited about. Now that I think about it, probably.

Anway, I guess it's good that I have a first choice now. It makes me want to go to college a little more. Not completely. I still wish I didn't have to end one life and start another one in a new place. It seems like I'm finally well established, and now all of a sudden I have to establish myself all over again. That is annoying and terrifying.

Well, that entry didn't turn out as well as I had hoped. I am going to bed.