Statement of Emotion in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

This is not a good sign.
I sit here at the end of my work day. I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to stay at work. As those are the only two options; that feels like a bad sign.

What I want? Besides a Stein;s Gate time travel device… is to wake up tomorrow to the following:
Alarm goes off at 6 a.m. I slap the off button and get out of bed. I trudge to the kitchen and make two egg sandwiches. I pour a glass of orange juice for myself and a glass of milk for my wife. I gobble up the sandwich and hop in the shower. While the water is running, I hear the other alarm clock go off. I hear Wife walk to the kitchen and pull out a stool so she can eat her sandwich and play on her phone for a bit. I shave and dress in my suit. I kiss Wife on the cheek and ask what her day looks like. She shares a brief summary of her day and I tell her that I love her and will see her in the evening. I drive into Des Moines and park in the employee parking lot. As I walk into the office, I greet a few colleagues and give the secretaries a warm welcome. I sit down to my desk and immediately start responding to e-mails. After the morning work is finished; I go grab lunch with a few work friends and we discuss the afternoon hearing. It is expected to go long; but any hiccups along the way have been ironed out so at least we won’t have to panic about anything. After the hearing; I drive back home and pick up dinner and dry cleaning on the way. As I pull up, I hear the dog barking and running around and Wife opens the door to let the dog come running out.

D’you hear how “mundane” that is? D’ya hear how “Perfectly normal slice of Americana” that is? So why does my life have to make that so… out of reach? Why am I stuck in a very literal Land of Death where “retirement” and “medicare/medicaid” are the most common forms of “employment?” Why is it so impossible to find work in a place that actually functions and has other people? I don’t want to go back to my house, I think, because I know I’ll have to wake up and do all of this all over again.

God… I wish I had colleagues. Friends. Associates. I hate this. I hate that there are no other attorneys. I hate that there are no other employed, drug-free, child-free 25-40 year olds. I hate being lonely here.